Cloudys Chronicle

Is it wrist slitting time now?

2009-09-01T05:52:00.002+01:00

I'm going to keep this short and sweet...

I feel like I've had a crappy weekend and have felt lonely even though I'm not alone. I've been in pain most of the weekend with cramps. Today Dave upset me. I've had a shitty day of gaming and now I feel pretty fucking depressed and just want to lie in bed and cry if for no other reason than I'm hormonal. Of course the vodka doesn't help.

I'm going to bed. CBA anymore.

Angry Cloudy

2009-07-22T06:38:00.002+01:00

I'm really fucked off now... Dave made me feel so shit tonight for talking to people I play Unreal with.

Yes, I see the point. I value my privacy. You read my messages what's next? Reading my mind?

OK so that's unfair but I'm saying it because I'm angry.

I'm trying to organise a couple of new PcX members at the moment... these guys are realy cool and fun to play with so I don't want to miss out on getting them on board and I'm messaging a lot in forums and via email so I guess that's a problem for Dave who posts daily on a writing forum that he set up.

Anyway I don't want to think about this stuff now... too tired.

**I lost half of this post last night due to blogger fucking up so I guess I'm just going to have to write something else later on**

Stuff and Things...

2009-07-20T23:43:00.002+01:00

Ok well today I'm off work YAY! I was meant to be going to town with Harriet, Charlotte and Ahmed for his birthday but he's had to go to London for some court hearing his friend is invloved with and he's basically had to stay there so our plans got cancelled. To top if off I've been asked to work his shit tomorrow because he's called in sick. I don't really mind doing it but it throws off Dave's working plans and any plans we might have had for the evening. Still... I'm of at the weekend so I guess that should make up for it all.

Today Dave and I went to Stockport to look at laptops. I think he's decided what to get, pretty quickly for him I might add, which is cool. Hopefully he'll be happy when he gets it.

I've got my eye on buying a new gaming chair as the huge beanbag we have is on its last legs now. I want one of those rocker gaming chairs with speakers in the side :D they look cool. I've got free money at Argos at the moment too because I've done 5 years of McService (for the second time now seeing as I quit after 6 years the first time) so I'm spending that on one of those chairs and a new cordless phone. The one we have at the moment doesn't hold charge for more than 30mins when disconnected from the cradle.

Something I'm also looking into buying is a new headset for gaming. The one I have doesn't seem too bad but I think that people might have trouble hearing me because I'll say something and no one replies lol. It might just be me "slapping the tard" (recently acquired funny phrase though I can't remember it's origin exactly I remember it being piss funny when it was concieved ) or it might be my headset. I guess I'll ask people tonight if they can hear me well compared to other folk. I'll try faffing with some settings too but I don't want to cause a load of feedback, which will just piss people off :(

Last night would have been so good had the match I followed a friends into not had the worst ping ever... and there were 2 guys on my team talking about fucking girls, girls being wet, and girls being able to push guys dicks out of them just by squeezing :O Then when I actually spoke up one of them was like "did I just hear a chick?" Oh yeah you did just hear a chick and she's been listening to all your little comments about vaginas etc lol. The other one kept putting his mic on so we could hear the music he was playing too... that was fucking annoying. Eventually some more of my friends popped in and we had a couple of good matches before the ping got too bad then buggered off in favour of playing something a little less manic and a little more enjoyable :) those guys crack me up :D

I find it's the people that keep me addicted to playing Unreal. If I didn't have anyone cool to play with I'd be bored as hell...

Faisal is on holiday at the moment, I'm sure Ive said, but when he comes back we need to get some practice done. Rikan and I seem to be the only 2 left out of the 3 who swore to keep PcX alive. Corrupted has taken a slot in SRC. Don't get me wrong I wish the kid well... he's a decent lad, and the SRC boys (and girl) are damn cool but I can't help feeling a little put out. I see him moving over completely even though he's promised that he's still with us and with PcX. My gut feelings aren't often wrong and this one doesn't feel quite right :(

OK enough of that... Unreal will take care of itself I guess, now I need to go take care of me.... Bath time :)

Curious Feeling I'm Missing Something

2009-07-19T20:13:00.002+01:00

Yesterday was like the busiest day of the year so far... we got absolutely slammed with record sales and it just felt like it was non-stop.

Today there's not a soul in sight, well that's an exaggeration but not too far from the truth. Because it's so quiet I was allowed a later start :D Kirsty watched my shift while I slept in and got double sleep last night. Yeah you heard me... double sleep lol whoop whoop!

Was pretty damn tired last night but still played Unreal until after 6am and then PSN went down on me (not literally because that would firstly be impossible and would secondly be disturbing) right in the middle of me saying my goodbyes to people and I couldn't get back on so I just gave up.

So today I'm a little less tired but I have a huge headache and no painkillers to drug myself up on until I get home in about ooooh 5 hours :(

Tomorrow is Ahmed's birthday and I'm meant to be going shopping with him, Harriet and Charlotte tomorrow... we're halping him re-vamp his wardrobe lol. I still haven't got him anything really so I'll have to do a bit of improvising when we're in Manchester.

I feel like I've missed someone's birthday in the past couple of days... yesterday possibly or the day before but seeing as I can't remember whose I guess I must be going crazy. It's just a gut feeling I have.

I've joined a ladies only group for Unreal... I was severely torn between chosing a funny name like bettyswallox or lik-mike-litoris or lady-schlong (lady-garden as Dave suggested) but I went with something generic.. not posting it here though ;) Do I look like a mad woman? Ok so I might but that's by the by lol

Part 2: OK I'm Calm

2009-07-17T00:42:00.002+01:00

I can't even remember where I was when I left off now. I suppose it doesn't matter really. I'm still annoyed about the Maz & Insha thing but as Dave says... I should stay out of it. I don't know what they expect me to do though. They're a couple and they stick together, Dave and I are a couple but I back people who I think are right, and this time I think he IS right so I'm going to side with him. Where does this put my friendship with Insha and Maz? In no-man's land, that's where. I'm pretty much going to ignore them now I guess.

Moving on... Went to see the new Harry Potter film tonight after what's been a hectic day of non stop being out of the house. I feel like I've worked today even though I've been off. The film was OK, bit cheesy with all the teen romance bull shit and pathetic kissing... It was funny though. Harriet and I were laughing so hard at one point the seats were shaking lol. We had some scouse twats sat behind us kicking the seats and talking on their phones, and I just wanted to piss in my drink and throw it at them. The scouse accent is the single most annoying accent in the whole world to me, so when it's sheer volume superceeds the film soundtrack I'm obviously going to be sat there, cringing inwardly and wishing I had a gun/tazer/anything to use on the sod behind me.

Some more Kirsty/Faisal shit is going down at work but although that has also annoyed me today I'm going to wait until Faisal has come back from his trip to Egypt so I can unleash my fury on him like the seven plagues of the aforementioned country. Woe betide him if he defends Kirsty to me after I have made an effort to talk to her civilly for the sake of my friendship with him. I will not stand for his crap and he will need a dentist after I knock his teeth out if he so much mutters a defensive comment regarding his girlfriend. A girlfriend he seems to be so ashamed of that he can't actually bring himself to admit involvement with to ANYONE nor be seen with in the presence of anyone who knows him.

Bitch be cool! OK I'm cool :)

Harriet seemed pretty normal despite burying her grandad today, Charlotte was sick/tired and so didn't come with us to see the film. I never really know what to say to people who have lost someone they love but because her and Charlotte are my closest friends I want to be there for them so I hope my inadequacies in the condolences department aren't unforgivable.

I've probably missed some important point I wanted to make or something I desperately wanted to write but me being me I easily get distracted and diverge from the intended path, run off on some aberant tangent arriving at a place where I'm confounded and can't remember what I originally wanted to say... Oh well. Shit happens. If I remember what it was I'll pop back on and bore you some more. Until then.....

Part 1: MEGA_RANT

2009-07-15T14:19:00.003+01:00

Well here's the aforementioned catch-up only it'll have to be quite quick as I'm on a break at work. Today is one of those days where time is viscous and drags like a corpse behind the victorious charriot of the day.

So then... Quick points:

Faisal and Kirsty are "together", already fighting and Faisal seems to be ashamed that he's with her because no one has seen them out in public together. There is now a standing joke about "Texaco Dogging" because they got busted meeting up behind our local petrol station. I'm so changing my facebook url to texaco-dogging lol.

Insha and Maz have fallen out with Dave because he made a comment on facebook that people (all people) who are excessively mourning Michael Jackson's death still, after having never met him or never really having him as part of their lives, need to think about whether they might need councelling. Maz is now getting pretty personal about it and although Dave is a bit of a wind-up merchant usually, this time I believe the fault to not be his but theirs for firstly thinking that the world revolves solely around them and that there are no other people who could possibly also fit into the "mourning MJ OTT" category, and secondly for making it personal and sniping about how Dave will never amount to anything, Mr Negative, Mr Opinion... and HOW FUCKING DARE YOU say that if our cat died and we mourned him over long that you would think "oh for fucks sake get over it" THAT is what has pissed me off. 1. he's a loving pet, not a random celeb we'll never know. 2. he is physically part of our lives, not just some irrational psychological fixation or attachment. 3. MJ danced and sang... if you want to praise someone praise the people who invent/discover things that ACTUALLY change the way your life is, or who make medical breakthroughs that save lives. MJ touched lives... he also touched children. And before you say "he was proven innocent" So was OJ simpson, as Dave rightly pointed out. 4. Your opinion is not worth more than anyone elses and seeing as Insha was never into MJ as much as Maz was it's a little hollow for her to jump on the bandwaggon in such a way. I'm sure there are more points for me to make but my fury is burning now. Dave said don't get involved... but this is MY blog, my place, my opinion and you come here to read it not have it thrust in your face... end of.

Work calls now so I'll finish my missive later. Ciao :D

Quicky

2009-07-15T06:23:00.002+01:00

I am the queen of procrastination... no really... I am! I've been meaning to update for a while now because I've got some things to talk about but tonight is not the night for any of that. Tomorrow, I promise.

I'm pretty tired and should have been in bed by now but as usual I stayed up playing Unreal with my online buddies and I have work at 12 :( :( :( 8 hours of hell *ugh* someone rocket me in the face right now and put me out of my misery. It's not even my shift so I'll probably get stuck outside on the hand held for 4 hours like today... Kirsty is still trying to drive me crazy. She succeeds!

Righty-oh! Bed time for me :) sweet dreams!

Random catch-up

2009-06-25T14:25:00.004+01:00

Ok, so I'm a terrible terrible person for neglecting you for so long, yet again. I'll just dive into it now without any pussyfooting around... It's easier that way.

After the last Faisal/Kirsty debacle there has been yet another one, involving yet more lies and yet more bull shit. This time I can't be arsed with even getting offended or upset. I guess that just means that the way I feel about my friendship with Faisal has changed. Lost respect asside (again) it's become a problem because not Kirsty has started a bit of a feud with me and is trying to get me in trouble at every opportunity. I'm good for the fight but the continuous "watching my back" is growing irksome and I just wish she'd leave.

Last week I came into work on my day off to drop some keys in for her only to be told to get out when I wanted a 2 min chat with one of my friends. I told her to cram it up her arse and (as I expected) she grassed me up to Mike. He didn't really say anything but I think he knows that trouble boils just beneeth the surface of my composure. It probably does with her too but if it escalates to the point where we have an argument over this shit it probably will turn into a fist fight, in which case, someone will be removing her teeth from my fist and my feet from her arse lol.

I got my platinum trophy for Unreal btw. Joined a clan (PcX) and was happy but now some shit is kicking off with that too and the clan got shut down. The guy who was running it basically told me to fuck off and that he didn't give a shit about the clan anymore. Was a bit of a shock for me as the day before we were duelling and having a laugh. Talk about rapid switch of mood. Still don't know what's going on and IF I did anything wrong - pretty sure the answer to that querrie is No you didn't do anything. I'm also playing part time in an online friend's clan EoT. He's a cool guy so I'm happy to play with him whenever. There are so many people I like playing unreal with that I find it hard to split my time between them. They all like playing different modes so it's not even like I can get them all together for a few matches... hmph!

I've met some cool people playing this game and these are people I want to keep in touch with. I am spending quite a lot of time playing and also now catching up with what's going on in the Unreal community via the iAMgaming forum. Dave is getting increasingly pissed off with me because of this, and although I understand his point of view I am reluctant to give in and cut my gaming time down BECAUSE no matter what I spend my time doing he will always moan that I invest myself too much in it and that I should be more flexible with what I want to do with my time. My argument is that I am not him, and also that this is the way I am, and when I find something I enjoy I dedicate time to doing it.

Tonight I think we're going out for dinner. It was our 3 year aniversary at the weekend and we didn't do much really, except fight 1 day and just doss about the house the other day. I think he's hoping that I won't want to play Unreal tonight but I do.

I started playing Resistance 2 the other day. I've been asked to start playing it so I can play with some online friends... they have a clan (?possibly) and want me to play with them. I'm not even good at it so I don't think they know what they're letting themselves in for lol.

Right... got to go as I'm due back on the floor now. Adios!

Piece of my Mind

2009-05-24T00:06:00.003+01:00

It's been a few days since I last wrote and since then my view on things hasn't changed much, neither have my feelings. Much.

Monday night Faisal tried to talk to me to "explain" his side of things. He missed the point. Content to make excuses as to why he skipped out on our plans, saying he was suddenly busy, only to show up in a different cinema to watch the same film with Mo and Kirsty just happened to be there. Only she didn't just happen to be there, they arranged it. That was not the point although it did chaff a little. The point is the lies. Do you, Faisal, really think that I feel like my friendship is worth anything to you when you can lie to me about every single thing that could ever be important to me about our friendship? Smoking being the first major thing that I can recall... Kirsty being one of the intermittent things and this now being the final thing. Do you think me stupid enough to buy your lies every time you don't want to face up to your mistakes. And my friendship clearly means so much that you need to try to share the blame with someone else when you are the one who has messed up. Don't try to blame Mo for the cinema thing when it's not the act but the lies and cover up that is the problem for me.

I'm probably over reacting. Likely. It's built up for a while and I guess the cammels back has broken.

Now I get to home. Actually, no, no comment. I can't think about all of this again and again. I'm selfish for wanting to do what makes me happy when I'm distracting myself from all the shit that goes on in my life. Yeah I am, so what? I'm starting to care less the more I hear. Someone give me a box I can shut myself in... so long as there's a PS3 and a telly in there you can bury me in it. That's unfair really and doesn't begin to sum up my feelings. Suffice to say no one is happy, that I have gleaned from last night's "discussion".

Moving onto good stuff. Maximo Park was tonight. They were great as always. Sound was a little too bassy for me but the atmosphere was fantastic. I cant say I like the new louty fans but a band cant chose their fans. I would have thought Maximo a little too arty to have louty fans but I guess not. The last Maximo gig we went to Dave almost got his shit kicked in and I thought I was going to have to stage a rescue with nothing but a pen and my own fury... but he didn't. And nothing of the sort happened this time, which is a bonus.

So that concludes my entry for tonight. Adios.

Cut Up

2009-05-18T05:49:00.002+01:00

I don't really know what to write.

I'm feeling pretty upset at the moment but I'm doing ok at keeping it in.

The situation with Faisal and Kirsty - that Harriet, Charlotte and I predicted, that was so obviously coming it was a foregone conclusion, that no one else seemed to see but us, that we tried to warn Faisal would happen, that he took no notice of, and that we're now dealing with shit because of - has come to pass.

I'll be honest. I like honest. I'm not ecstatic that it's Kirsty that he's been getting involved with. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like her or anything, it's because I can see her motives for almost everything she does as clear as day. The manipulation, the emotional blackmail, the behaviour patterns that scream ATTENTION! It's almost the behavior of a late teens girl not a mid twenties woman.

I won't pretend to be 100% certain. I won't say I know exactly what's going on in her head. But I have a damn good idea and, having been right so many times before, my track record is pretty much spot on.

Anyway, talking about that doesn't really get to the issue. The issue is lies. Lies and disrespect. Faisal was always someone I had a lot of respect for. I saw him as an honest guy who stood up for his beliefs and who was a moral being who could be trusted. I see now that I was wrong, or at least that the person he was then is not the person he is now. I won't make him chose between us (his friends) and Kirsty so I have made the choice for myself. I can't have a friend who would treat me like I'm not worthy of honesty, the truth, a simple courtesy so I have stepped out. Walked away.

I feel guilty that there wasn't anything I could do to save him the hurt he's going to go through. I even feel guilty for reacting so badly to his behaviour. I can tell myself that I don't give a shit but that doesn't always make it true. It wasn't that he chose her over us but the way in which he did it. He lied to all of us. He disrespected all of us and made us look like idiots. He denied what we knew to be true and made us feel like we were going insane. Even now, after I've washed my hands of it, it still chaffs. I am stubborn though... make of that what you will.

I know this makes little sense but unless I explain it all, which I'm loath to do, there isn't a whole lot of sense to be made out of it.

1 week

2009-05-15T07:39:00.003+01:00

Forgive me father for I have sinned. It has been 7 days since my last confession. Only joking. I haven't really got a confession but it has been a week since I last wrote here. Sorry. I can't even say I've been busy because I've not. Well, not massively so.

This past week has been a mixed bunch really. Some good, some bad, and some mediocre stuff has happened in the various facets of my existence that you so love to read about lol. Ok, so you don't love it but at least you read. Oh, you don't read, well that's depressing, for me.

Anyway, enough talking to myself... get on with it!

So last week I saw the new Star Trek film, as well you know, and tonight I went to see Angels & Demons. I never managed to read the whole book before I saw the film but I read enough to know that the plot was tampered with excessively. I hate that kind of shit. An author writes a best selling book and it's made into a film... you;d have thought that the book being very popular would tell the screem play writers that it's good enough to be left alone but no! They mess with it and change stuff, altering the very essence of the story. It's bullshit. Another thing that pisses me off about film adaptations of stories with religious connitations... the fucking church can't stand to be critisised and so threatens all sorts of action just to have itself portrayed in a glorious light, or at least not a bad light. So... the film was ok but i could tell they'd fucked with it.

Last night I got my Online Champion trophy for Unreal. I now have 16 days left of 200 frags per day to get my Get a Life trophy and subsequently my platinum trophy... my very first one! The end is in sight but I doubt it'll stop me from playing so much. I'm enjoying playing with people online. There's a sort of camradery there that's appealing. I guess I should thank DX, my very first RPF (random psn friend) for helping me so much with my trophies because it's made me want to do that for other people. It's the gift that keeps giving lol. This past week I've helped 2 people get their insane campaign trophies and partly helped out a few others. I don't even class it as help because I enjoy the game play even if insane mode is a little too hard to not get stressed out about lol. So... all these people I build rapports with and enjoy gaming with are filling up my friends list. I'd probably have more but quite a few ignore friend requests. I might have to start doing that at some point but until I forget where I met them they can stay lol.

Talk of this brings on anoyther point... Yes I have been known to stay up until silly o'clock gaming but yesterday I surpassed that by staying up until midday and going to work on less than 3 hours sleep. Neesless to say I got moaned at... a permenant fixture that is now. Not happy with me gaming for ages, even if I give up the ghost to do other, more socially acceptable, things but I have to be thoroughly enthused about them too. I can't help what I want to do. You request compromise. I do. You moan... still. I'll stop villifying now I've vented a little.

Oh... I'm now diseased. No, not deceased, fool! I've got my very first cold sore. I'm really not happy. I went 30 years without having a single one. Mum gets them. All my BF's have had them and yet I managed to remain free of them until now. A guy at work had a swig of one of my lovely iced lattes, knowingly didn't tell me he had a cold sore coming up, and loe... a week later, when I'm on my monthly I get a dirty great cold sore on my bottom lip. It's nearly gone now but is still sore as hell and randomly splits. When I first figured out what it was I was nearly in tears. I've been almost obsessed with avoiding infection that I refuse to go near Dave when I so much as suspect he has one. Karl fucking Jones.... what a fucking toss pot. So now that I'm practically a leper I guess it's my duty to keep others safe from, well, me I guess lol.

It's now sleepy time... sweet dreams.

1 slightly tarnished Cloudy... free to a good home

2009-05-08T02:16:00.004+01:00

The end of my 2 days off is drawing near. Tomorrow, the very day I don't want to arrive, is mere hours away. This past week has been a bit of a bummer for me. Mood swings, annoyances, grumpy friends, lack of on line friends etc. Fez and Zaib have been avoiding me on PSN (they're probably not alone - I'll find the National Avoid Cloudy Society on the interweb sometime soon I'm sure) but I don't blame them. My gaming needs are like that of a junkie's need for a fix, and I'm on all the time really so I probably harrass everyone too much. I should seriously learn to tell when I'm not wanted. NACS is a very real organisation, I assure you, I'm the reason they were founded... my gaming is a national mennace lol.

Went to see the new Star Trek film tonight. It's a bloody good film, one which I would see multiple times and probably will go see again when I'm next off. Angels & Demons is out next Thursday so that's on the list of films to see. I'm still reading the book but hopefully will get it finished by then though I'm not sure I want to because films based on books are rarely better than the book on which they're based. Because of this, I am often disappointed by a film if I have read the book first. The Golden Compas is my case in point. Exceptional book (northern lights). Crappiest of crappy crap films by comparison. Even some of the Harry Potter films pale in comparison to their paper predecessors.

I've not talked about my Unreal trophies for a while, have I? Well... I've decided to make a concerted effort with getting my Online Champion trophy. I'm now at 415/500 wins so I won't be long now... maybe not tomorrow but the day after definately. The last one I need is the Get a Life trophy, entailing 200 frags per day for 50 days. I have 23 days left. There is a cheat for it but I have refused and am almost cursing myself for it. In 23 days then, assuming I don't skip a day, I will have platinum and boy will that feel good :D

I think that about does it for tonight. I'm off for a bath and then I think I'm going to get my henna out and have a bit of a practice. When the weather starts getting warm people like to wear it and I'm a bit rusty. I am my own canvas in that respect, and practice makes perfect.

Happy Cinco de Mayo

2009-05-06T01:48:00.002+01:00

I learned something new today... Mexicans celebrate May 5th as the anniversary of them beating the shit out of the French at the battle of Puebla in 1862. Hmm, you say, interesting. Indeed, I say, but it's just an excuse to eat shit loads of fajitas.

Speaking of which, I now feel sick from eating too many. I suppose it's better than getting sloshed on Guinness on St Patrick's day.

I know this is a randomly inane post but after recent events I guess it's better not to say anything at all. I can't not say something about my day but I still feel like I need to keep my mouth shut. I'll crack... I know I will. But until I do, in a blaze of glory, fury, and god knows what else, I'll remain silent.

Work dragged. Ahmed was miserable but wouldn't say why.

I've been in the foulest of foul moods these past 2 days. So much so that I actually threatened a chavvy teen with my fist down his throat for trying to get my attention in the most ignorant manner possible. I think that time of month approaches. Beware!

Under New Management.

2009-05-03T04:57:00.003+01:00

I don't know what to write. There are so many things I want to say but feel I can't. So many things that upset me but if I write them I'll be accused of vilifying. I guess my blog no longer feels like my blog. I shouldn't be affected by the opinions of the people who read this (the very few) but I guess I am. Even referencing my lack of ability to speak my mind now will earn me a grumble, so what am I to do? Am I no longer able to talk about what's on my mind, to anyone, for fear of casting someone in a bad light. Shall I no longer express my feelings for fear that people will think badly of someone because of it. What amm I supposed to do?

On April 1st I started writing on Cloudy's Chronicle again after one and a half years of silence. The thing that brought me back is now the thing that threatens to take me away again.

I know you will read this soon. You will say that this isn't what you meant, but still you will say that I've made you look bad. You made me feel bad. No, I don't want to talk about it. I wanted to tell you this without starting a fight.

Cloudy Talks, Some. OK... A lot!

2009-05-02T17:20:00.002+01:00

Last night I slept like the dead. Went to bed at like 6am and got up at about 4pm. Yes, I know, it's shameful. Yes, I know, I'm a vampire. And Yes, I know, I've wasted most of the day. Thanks for pointing that one out. My mum would say all of those things to me and more so it's usually her voice I have in my head telling me off for staying in bed late.

Speaking of my mum... it's her birthday tomorrow. She'll be 51. I feel like a bad daughter for not already sending her card and gift in the post. As it is it won't get there until Monday, which is when I thought her birthday was (not that I forgot the date but I'm getting my days mixed up a bit at the moment what with my regular shift pattern getting messed up by a whole week of day shifts). Couple that with the fact that I haven't actually bought her gift yet and that makes me a bad daughter. She wants some CD by some guy who was in Coronation Street, Richard Fleeshman or whatever his name is. Amazon say they'll send it to me within 2 months if I buy it lol. No thanks. I'll be buying it from somewhere else and she'll just have to have it a few days late. I'll make it up to her by taking my brother off her hands for a week in the summer holidays and she can chill out for a while without a whining moody teenager moaning at her to do his bidding. My family live in Newcastle so I see them a few times a year. I should really see them more but it's being able to take time off work that hampers me. Andrew (the brother) is just getting into my kind of music so I've been planning on buying him a gig ticket for his 17th birthday and getting him down here for a mini-holiday. It's my stepdad's Birthday in like 10 days time so I've got my work cut out for me. I hate this time of year because of all the Birthdays. Atleast mine is near the back end of the year but not close enough to Christmas to stress people out about my gifts.

Now I'm rambling.

Tonight I've invited everyone back again. I'm sure my neighbour will throw a bitch fit but if he comes round waving a 16lb hammer in my face again I'm going to set Mo on him. Durka Durka lol. I'm not really annoyed about Ahmed buggering off to Rusholm with Ali but it's a bit disrespectful especially because he would have gone mental if any of us had've gone round his house, left early but then went out with other people. I'll bitch slap him when I see him later.

I know this already but being told by my friends is really nice... I make the best nachos ever! I've had lots of practice though... stemming from my exBF Si (the one we don't talk about) and something he used to like to call naked nachos. Ahem! Anyway... the original recipe, perfected over time, is the dogs cahoonas. I made some last night so I''ll probably do more tonight, and I managed to get a massive bag of thorntons chocolate pellets so we can have choc-fondu too. Mmmm. I'm going to be such a fat bitch tonight lol.

Oh... breaking news... Kirsty has split with her BF. I don't know what to make of it but I'll reserve public judgement for now. I've got a lot of thoughts circling in my mind about this very matter right now and quite a lot of them are angry thoughts so I'll keep them to myself. I'm all too aware, as are some of my friends who feel the same as I do on this matter, that it would be easy for us to be villified over this and that's not something I'd be prepared to undergo. As I've said before... Fez has his own life to live. So does Kirsty. But that doesn't mean I have to sit back and watch it happen. I've seen the future... it's orange lol. Seriously though, it's a grim place he'll in be when it all goes the way I think it will, and I'm not alone in thinking this.

Shattered

2009-05-02T05:50:00.004+01:00

Well... I never made it to bed for a nap. I'm still up and I'm still dog tired. Everyone came round for a bit of gaming time and it was fun to chat to them for a while. Mo had to be persuaded to come round but only after Fez and Ahmed had already left. Harriet was peeved that they'd bailed and so guilt tripped them into coming back. Fez brought Mo with him on his return but Ahmed decided he was going to Rusholme for a curry or something... probably more likely some shisha but hey ho I'm too tired to be angry with them but I might feel differently in the morning. I'm so tired I'm actually scared to read this back in he morning as I don't know what mistakes I'm making or how stupid it sounds.

Anyway... got Mo and Wilson on Unreal. I reckon they'll start playing it soon and in a hard core way lol. Even Charlotte, Harriet and Ahmed had a go and I'm sure with practice they'll all be pretty decent, not that I'm an adequate judge of that. Wilson and Mo are already pretty good.

Fez is looking a lot better now. He has a swolled eye and perpetual headaches but that's all he has to show for his tribulations. Bless.

Anyway I'd better go before I pass out. NN.

I'm fucked

2009-05-01T10:51:00.003+01:00

Officially. Completely fucked.

I've kind of done it to myself though and that's the kicker. Getting up this morning after another 5 hours (or less) sleep felt like an impossible task. If Dave hadn't stayed up working and come and started telling me to get up I probably would have turned my phone off and slept right through until well after lunch. I say that but Craig would have probably driven over to my house and been banging on the windows until I came raging out of the house with either a knife or a biro, whichever came to hand first. Yes, I'd attack him for waking me up lol.

So now I'm on a break and have a good 6 hours ahead of me, unless I can persuade someone to take over so I can come home... I might resort to begging. Later on I'm having the guys round for a gaming night but unless I can get some sleep before then I'm just going to be a vegetable sat in the corner somewhere. Plus I need to go to Thorntons in Stockport for some chocolate pellets for my chocolate fondu kit... oh yes it's worth losing the sleep.

Fridays are busy. It's a lovely day... why oh why did I ask for a day shift today? Why didn't I ask for the day off? :'( Goddamnit!

Happy Birthday Harriet

2009-05-01T01:57:00.004+01:00

Ok so I'm starting to get bad at keeping up with my blog posts but I still try, honest.

Yesterday I was on a morning shift and I got in at 10 to have the shift dumped on me unceremoniously. Craig was dying to go home and mike was crying about labour as always. No breaks had been got out, no waste entered on the PC... nice! Because I had been forced into running the shift I thought I could get my revenge today but there was no bugger in until the nights shift so I got stuck working the whole 5.30-3 shift that I dread working so much.

Today was Harriet's birthday (Happy Birthday baby!) She bought herself a car! I'm jealous. It's nice. I want one. We went to the cinema to see X-Men Origins, which was pretty good. There were a few parts that I thought hang on, doesn't that contradict continuity from one or more of the other films? But all in all it was a good film. Harriet, Charlotte and Wilson went with Ahmed, Fez and Mo to chill out round Mo's, while I've come home to have an early night as I'm in at 8 tomorrow. Turns out Ahmed and Fez were shopping for Harriets gift this morning and Kirsty conveniently showed up. Oh well, Fez has his own life to live and it's up to him what he does but I've told him what I see coming... mark my words there will be heartache and tears.

Been playing less Unreal this week because of all the stupid day shifts I'm on. No sign of my online buddy yet although I did find out he'd broken his controller bless. I've forced Taz to buy the game so hopefully I'll have him to frag sometime soon. I've been doing pretty well at instagib lately but as soon as I'd said that to anyone my standards slip and I was just average tonight. Slightly disappointing but what can I do? Bugger all, that's what.

Anyway I'm heading to bed... Catch ya later!

Trip to A+E

2009-04-29T01:39:00.004+01:00

Ok so I'm back from the hospital now. Fez is ok but he's a bit of a mess. His face is pretty trashed and he's got a pretty nasty looking gash over his eye. What happened? He got hit by a car that's what. Silly fool was running across Stockport Road and got clipped by a speeding driver. It was pissing it down with rain and Fez was wearing dark clothes. So he gets pitched over and hits the ground hard while the car veers off and crashes into a wall or post or something. Apparently the guy was going to drive off but another car blocked him in, the 2nd driver pulled Fez into his car and called an ambulance. Lucky Fez really because he was pretty much unconscious.

The ambulance dropped him off in A+E where he waited for an hour and a half while shock and concussion set in and when we got there he was shaking and pretty out of it. He was just coherent but slugish as you'd expect, and pretty sick looking. Poor bloke pukes a few times and they glues his eye cut up, gave him some ibrupofen and told him not to sleep for a couple of hours before letting him go home! Go home indeed. They must not have thought he was in any danger but seeing as they didn't look at him when he got into A+E what would they know?

His brother was there at some point but left to go looking for the guy. I know you want to protect your friends and family but beating the guy up isn't the way to go. Anyway that's non of my business.

I feel weird now because I've gone from being very angry about his behaviour to being frantically worried and concerned about him. It's quite a rollercoaster of emotions that I'm not really up for riding right now. We'll see how it goes tomorrow then. I've asked him to let me know how he is when he gets up.

The plans I had tonight for gaming and post writing have well and truly gone to pot so I guess I'll wrap it up here. Tomorrow will bring what tomorrow will bring.

If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?

2009-04-28T23:15:00.002+01:00

I've been saving this rant up all day and boy am I fuming.

Stemming from the situation where Faisal basically called me a liar when I outed his little "thing" with Kirsty. Today Harriet gets a message basically saying that he doesn't want to speak to us anymore, which is bull shit seeing as we're the ones who have been slated. He's a hypocrite of the highest order.

Oh fuck now I've just found out he's in hospital so I'm going to see him. Update later. Sorry

Mixed Bunch

2009-04-27T17:29:00.007+01:00

I've skipped another day, oops sorry. Last night was a long night, and a tough one, because I needed to save labour so ran the shift a few people down. It was hard on everyone and moral was floundering but the guys managed to pull it back and get everything done in good time. I, however, was there late sorting out the full stock count, which I'd put off because Kirsty had come in to see us - I'll go for it on that issue in a minute - so I was behind but was my own fault.

My cold is really doing my head in now. I wake up feeling so grotty I just want to cry. At first I thought it was hay fever but I've never really had hay fever before so I can't see me getting it this bad all of a sudden. My immunse system is basically fucked and I'm probably doing it to myself by cutting down my hours of sleep. Anyway you want to stay away from me because I have germs lol.

Right! Now we get to Faisal and Kirsty (she's the assistant store manager). Past couple of weeks Fez has been chatting to Kirsty on facebook and has been keeping it hush hush. It has actually been kind of funny because they show up online at the same time and disappear at the same time. Two nights ago Fez came into work to see us all. He spent aaages on the staffroom PC and when I went in to ee him he was chatting to Kirsty again. Less than an hour after that she shows up at work with some folders like she's got work to do on her night off. So she sits there for ages with Fez pretending to do assesment checks on staff but I think she did 3 max and she was there nearly until we left at the end of the night.
Last night Kirsty was texting me asking if I needed help with the stock or anything. I presumed Craig had rang her because he came through drive thru and I was moaning at him about how stressed I was, but now I'm not so sure he did. Anyway I told her not to bother you know, who wants to come into work to do stuff on your night off? No one that's who. Yeah sure you come in to see people but you don't pretend to do work. So, minutes after Fez showed up so did Kirsty and she waited until everyone had finished before she got off home.
I'm usually pretty good at reading people, seeing motives and the things they're hiding, especially if I know them well like I do Fez. So when I asked him what was going on he got all indignant and tried to make me look like a liar in front of our friends. Oh yeah, I'm a bullshitter who makes up lies for entertainment - Faisal you're a lying wanker.
So I'm playing Unreal and Harriet rings me to tell me something really is going on with Fez and Kirsty. He'd been texting her all night on the hush hush and, when prompted, Ahmed and Ali gripped him and grilled him about it. Turns out it's been going on for a bit and he's been keeping it sly for whatever reason. That's fine, you want to get involved with a girl who likes to get attention from every guy in the house, who is virtually enganged to her long term boyfriend and who will ditch you for the next guy pretty damn soon. Add to that the fact that you're not meant to put yourself about like that because you're religion demands chastity, and the fact that you care so much about Charlotte that you were prepared to kick the shit out of one of her previous love interests because he tried to get her drunk on her birthday. OKAY!
I'm not going to step in and try to save him from getting his heart broken, I'm just going to let it happen, and I really don't want to hear it when it the shit goes down.

Rant over... now I need to tell you about the gig I'm going to with Dave tonight. We've had this one on the cards for a while but I've not really thought much about it because I've had other things on my mind. We've been to see Art Brut before when they were supporting Maximo park (brilliant band) in 2007, and we really liked them. I've decided to give Art Brut a bit of an airing on here so I've got Youtube vids of my 2 favourite songs from the first album... enjoy!

My Little Brother...

Moving To L.A...

We Fucking Rock!!! Day 2 of Burger Hell Over & Done With

2009-04-25T15:43:00.004+01:00

Well... What can I say? We rock so much they're putting our pictures in the dictionary next to the word "rockers"!

The second day of burger hell was almost over already when I got in at lunch time and we'd already had another incedent of Karl messing up so when I took over the pressure was on me. One of the visitors was faffing about in my kitchen distracting my staff and if there's one thing I hate it's being ignored, so when I'm asking for stuff to be done and they're too busy answering this randomers questions obviously I'm going to get shirty.

Admittedly it wasn't as busy as yesterday but we had it in the bag... no amount of customers was going to rock our boat today! So thanks guys for all your hard work! You are heroes, not even of the unsung variety because we're going to be praising you for weeks to come lol.

Anyhoo, I'm running on about 5 hours sleep again with a full night shift ahead of me so I'm pumping myself full of iced vanilla latte in preparation for my usual Saturday night shift. Bring on the chavs.

Got a late start tomorrow so I'm going to be hammering it on Unreal tonight. I started Assassin's Creed last night... Bit strange but once I'm used to the action commands I'm sure I'll love it. I've also been tempted to re-play Prince of Persia on difficult or Heavenly Sword on insane but I've got unplayed games to get through first so they'll have to wait. Roll on White Knight Chronicles!

Now my latte calls so I'll bid you adieu....

Day 1 of Burger Hell

2009-04-24T21:48:00.003+01:00

You know I'm not in the habbit of updating while I'm at work but I'm taking a break and I thought I'd just say what a stressful day it's been today. Today was day 1 of our visit and the boss's boss was really putting the pressure on. I'm really bad for getting stressed and I try not to push my stress onto everyone else but today just took the biscuit.

Karl wrecked the whole thing. We were relying on him to coordinate production and he couldn't even tell the guys what to cook. Kitchen went down and so did drive thru and I was getting bollocked for parking cars when we were waiting for EVERYTHING.

Tomorrow I've been asked to come in early to run production over the busiest part of the day because Mike thinks I'm the best person for the job lol. I'll probably fuck it up too. Nah... now you're going to see how it's done.

Moving on from the stressful visit... Last night's Unreal session was a bit of a bummer. No Fez or Zaibo and no online buddy so I just joined a random campaign and had fun watching people join and leave almost right away when they saw how good the campaign host and I were lol. It feels good to be at a decent standard and to be able to hold your own. On the down side, I joined a Greed match which had Titan enabled. I got spawned in our base and one of the enemy had gone titan in our base so they were slaughtering us as we got spawned... kind of defeating the object of the game... I stuck it out for a bit but it went on like that for the whole match so I left.

I don't think I'll be going on tonight unless I get home early, which is probably not going to happen. Anyway I got to get back to work... see ya!

One Down, One To Go

2009-04-24T03:43:00.003+01:00

The first of two nightmare shifts is over and I've made it home before 4am, which is a bonus. I've done so much stuff tonight I think I'm going to be having nightmares about polishing chrome and scrubbing nooks and crannies. And yeah... I ache... all over.

Tomorrow is going to be, by far, the worst day of our two visit days. The worst part of the worst day is that they're going to be visiting my night shift :( So you think I'm home late tonight? Tomorrow I'm probably not going to be home before the morning shift come in because the second visit day is a morning visit and everything has to be perfect.

I don't want to think about visits anymore... I'm in denial lol.

The cold I've been trying to get rid of for a couple of weeks has come back with a vengeance. I'm dosing myself up on Lemsip but it doesn't get rid of the fuzzy-head feeling I've got 24-7. I can really do without this right now. Hopefully it'll only take a couple more days and I'll be a less sickly Cloudy. I think I've passed it onto Dave now so he'll have man-flu for weeks and weeks on end lol.

I've been thinking about last weekend... I know I didn't mention it but Dave and I went to Insha's for a BBQ while the weather was nice. It was good to see her, Maz and K again, and we got to playing rockband - they have drums and we don't. I was ever so tempted to buy the drum kit but Dave doesn't think it's wise because we have wooden floors and tetchy neighbours. Alistair from work has been bragging about his Guitar Hero skills. Undoubtedly he'll be better than me but I'm happy playing on hard... my fingers don't work fast enough for expert except for a few songs. Dave is good at it but it seems he's not so good with the rockband drums... Ah ha! Something I'm better than him at. Now that's made my day :D Anyway, there's a desire in me for drums and I might just give in to it.

Got me thrity some days left before I get my platinum trophy on Unreal. There's a way of cheating but I don't think I really want to, plus Dave will moan endlessly if I do because I'd be fiddling with the date settings on the PS3. So I'm sticking it out and waiting while my online buddy already has his platinum... Lucky bugger.

Danielle dropped by to drop in an invitation to her 21st Birthday party. Yes I know all my friends are younger than me... that's probably why I don't feel like I'm thirty lol. Anyway, her Birthday is after Harriet's and, while I know what I'm getting Harriet, I don't know what to get Danielle. I'll have to put my brain in gear and get thinking.

Now I'm going to get me a nice cup of tea and watch the rest of Tron with Dave. Have a nice day now :D

Mango Lassi mmmm

2009-04-23T04:50:00.002+01:00

I've just made the nicest mango lassi ever. I had no recipe, Dave had no faith, but it's bloody lovely :D

I didn't start a post just to tell you about my lassi... ok so maybe I did. I've had a long day at work trying to get everything ready for the visit on Friday and tomorrow night is going to be pretty much an all-nighter so I'm going to be absolutely fucked by the weekend. Joy of joys.

The other day I decided I was going to try to be more receptible to Dave's entertainment wishes. He doesn't like that I play Unreal for hours on end so I've been trying to give him more of my time. For that I get told I'm being weird. Tonight I thought we were watching TV while we ate and then I could get another hour or 2 of gaming in while he's working but when the plans change of course I'm going to be put out. I can't hide that reaction. I can't fucking win. Wasn't even going to be writing about anything like this until right now. Sheesh. I'm done.

Oh I'm on Fire!

2009-04-22T04:54:00.004+01:00

Today has been one of those strange days where you're not quite sure if you're dreaming. Got up relatively late, 2.30pm kind of late lol, which is ok because I hit the hay after 8am this morning so 6 hours sleep is like winning the lottery for me. Started out overcast, which is typical. Manchester and Stockport have this massive disk of cloud that spins slowly overhead dispensing sun, rain and greyness in disproportionate amounts randomly. Dave and I walked into Stockport and by the time we got there the sun had come out :D giving us a reason to get a Starbucks and go sit on a bench in the sun for a while.

It was strange because we started talking about religion, time travel, aliens and the theory of relativity lol. Yeah, it's deep. Neither of us are religious but are agnostic. I personally believe that... god is in the TV lol, no seriously though I believe in God as the positive side of anyone's personality, their morality, their sense of goodness and their sense of humility. On the flip side, the devil would be the side of a person's personality that is selfish, vicious and bitter. Everyone has the capacity to do good or ill but it's the choice you make, the things you do with your life and the people whose lives you touch that make the difference. Anyone can be a good person, you don't need to find god to do good things. I work with religious people who are absolute tossers so that just goes to show.

Dave has a theory that the bible was written by us from the future, trying to interject some morality into their world by changing ours. If our future was one of dispair and you had the ability to travel back and change something to try to make it better wouldn't you try something similar? I don't know what I'd do.
My theory is simply that it was written several hundred years after the fact by a power hungry church siezing an opportunity to control the masses by providing fear inducing propaganda based upon the life and tales about the life of a man who was quite clearly a great and well loved man. In my opinion, religion is the single biggest motivator of masses of people in this world besides patriotism... it's scarey shit.

So with talk of time travel, the theory of relativity, that Hadron Collider (CERN) and God rolling around our heads we got to talking about the newest Dan Brown film - Angels & Demons. Dave has been trying to get me to read the book for ages now and I've been putting it off in favour of pretty much anything else really. I've read The Da Vinci Code and thought it was pretty good but I think the hype is what's put me off. I will read Angels & Demons soon, before the film comes out for sure.

Anyway, enough of that stuff. I think my brain is going to turn to mush and start pouring out of my ears like pureed sprouts.

I payed a visit to work to catch up with Harriet, Charlotte, Ahmed, Mo and Fez because I've not really seen them all week, mostly because of my Unreal addiction lol. Most of the talk revolved around the Hannah-Jason-Karl love triangle because it's really turned bad now. What Waj said to Hannah about tagging along on Karl's holiday so she can try to get him back has really caused problems. Hannah is dead set on doing this now and Jason is fuming, as you'd expect, and so is Karl. There's bugger all I can do because it's her choice but I can't watch her flounder in the lost love she's got for a guy whose heart she broke, and destroy the life she's got with the guy whose baby she's had. It's fucked up.

Well I think I've ranted enough for one night. I'm hoping to get back on Unreal after Dave and I have watched some TV... I found my mojo completely, whoop whoop. Fez said he was going to come on (but he hasn't) and frag me to within an inch of my life... Ha! No chance! I've been on fire. Tomorrow will probably be a different story and that's when I'll get thrashed but until then I'm glorying it up to the max lol.

Meh!

2009-04-21T02:13:00.005+01:00

Ok so I was in a grumpus before. I've had a bath and I'm just chilling out with my laptop while Dave does his gaming thing.

I had a thought before... or rather I remembered that I was going to post a pussycat picture. Hendrix when we got him 1 year ago vs now so here it is...

Cute isn't he? He's a greedy bastard though but he's a lucky cat and doesn't put on any flab. Me envious. I might well put a few more on sometime later but that should do for now methinks.

I'm off work tomorrow. I know I said I had a long stint in Burger Hell but that effectively starts on Wednesday. We have a hierarchy visit type thing on Friday and Saturday so that means late night closes for me :( I'm probably going to be working like 10 days on the trot but I hope not.

Lost my mojo on UT3 before when I got back on for a bit. My grumpus just wasn't condusive to decent gameplay by me. It got to the point where I knew what was coming so I just stood relatively still and let myself get slaughtered. Zaibo was thrashing me too and that's not something that happens often, yet. I feel bad because we were talking today about having a decent gaming session but Dave wanted to get on too and after the discussion we had about me hogging the PS3 I had to concede, even if I didn't want to ;)

Anyway, I'll stop rambling on and let you go do something constructive... like stick pins in your eyes or something equally as pleasurable as reading this pile of crap.

Unreal

2009-04-21T01:36:00.002+01:00

Oops I skipped a day, sorry. You've not missed much really except me getting my UT3 insane chapters trophies!!!! Not on my own obviously, I'm much too crap for that. I had help, for which I'm thankful. I did think I would have to do it on my own when I signed into PSN to find my online buddy had already gotten the trophies but he happily helped me out :D

Today I finished off the rest of the trophies that I could do. Now I only have 3 left to get: 1 for 50 days of 200 frags per day; 1 for 500 online match wins; and the last one for getting all other trophies. Oh that platinum will sit so nicely on my metaphorical PSN mantlepiece I can almost see it now lol.

Tonight I have been made to feel guilty again for playing so much. I don't know if it's the game, thetime I spend or the people I play with that is causing the problem and because i really enjoy playing I feel like I can't win. I was almost pushed into playing FPS games and now that I really really love playing one I'm getting told to play something else. Yes it's bad that I play so many hours but would it be better or worse if I played so many hours offline? FFX for example, I played that for several hours straight. Prince of Persia I played until 9am sometimes because I loved that too. Seemingly my love of gaming is extreme, so apparently that's what I'm like.

I was supposed to be playing Zaibo tonight but he's not been on and I felt like I had to get off the PS3 so god knows if he'll be around when i get back on, if I get back on.

Seeing Stars

2009-04-19T05:34:00.003+01:00

Well, today has been a nice day. It's been sunny and warm for a change.

Dave and I went on a walk to my work to drop some keys in before walking down through Heaton Moor to the local park to sit and enjoy the last of the sun before it started getting cold, which it did rather quickly. I say last of the sun because we didn't get up until after 4pm *embarrassed face*.

Because the day has been cloud free so has the night, and it's bloody chilly out but it's nice to see the stars again. They're a rarity where I live because of the great disc of cloud that hurls rain down on us regularly. So, we've had to put the fire on to keep out the cold but even on it's lowest setting it's making the room too warm for me and now I have another headache.

I've been mashing trophies again on UT3. I thought I was catching up with my online buddy but he's running away with it again. There's a bit of competition there even though we help each other. The insane trophies are looking like the holy grail to me right now. We attempted one match and were getting slaughtered, mostly due to me being crap because he is good enough to do it on his own probably. I seriously need to practice. I can't be doing with continually being the weak link. It's embarrassing. I've got a bit of time to sort out the mission path of the campaign to try to get the easiest matches at the end of the chapters to play in insane mode. Wish me luck, I'll need it.

Anyway, I'm off tomorrow and then back to work for a 6 day week. I'm not looking forward to it at all but at least I'll get paid lots whoop whoop. Small consolation for the madness that will consume me after working so many days. Break out the herbal happy pills.

Crapola

2009-04-17T23:20:00.004+01:00

I feel like shit today. Migraine tastic. My head feels like a pressure cooker that's ready to blow and no amount of pain killers is helping :( I promised Mo that I'd go to his sister's party, and I did, doing my best to be cheerful and upbeat while my head was pounding like really loud, really bad drum & base.

This morning I really stupidly stayed up until nearly 11am playing for trophies on UT3 and exchanging trophy tips with a friend online. I'm ok with the lack of sleep, I'm getting used to it although Fez did tell me today that I'm starting to look sick because of it. If Fez-o-the-under-eye-bags can tell me I have bags... it must be bad lol. So I woke with a massive headache to the sound of Insha talking to Dave at the front door so I pulled myself out of bed and went to stand with them in my dressing gown. Some chavvy bloke walked past and made a snotty comment about not being dressed at 3 in the afternoon and for me to get a job. Some people work nights you know. Fair enough I don't work that late but I do tend to keep to USA time because 1. I've been working nights for nearly 10 years and I'm so used to it they're like my 9-5. And 2. because Dave writes his articles based on USA time so we both run 4-8 hours behind. Anyway that guy got told to fuck himself and I got told off for being mouthy lol.

So... the party. I thought it might be a bit awkward with Mo's family all there but it wasn't. There were so many of them that I was in shock for the first 20 mins. The room was packed out with over 50 random family members and us. Charlotte, Harriet and I were the only non-asian people there which was the main reason I thought it might be strange but it wasn't bad. They talk so fast in Urdu that I can't pick up half of what they're saying even if I understand a little bit.

I hope Emaan likes her gifts. Harriet and Charlotte bought her a Tigger teddy from the Disney store. I decided to give her the little bead set and I spent a couple of hours making her a spiral bangle from my own kits. She's got to be into glittery dressy up things so hopefully she'll like it. If not then I'll just pretend she did lol.

Right now I'm planing to go to bed for an hour or two to try to clear my head but I doubt it will work out like that. I've got a feeling that this one is staying for a while :(

Some Things Never Change

2009-04-17T04:51:00.004+01:00

Today has sort of been a bit of a mundane one. I got bugger all sleep again. Partially because I went to bed at stupid o'clock and partially because Craig phoned me at 9.30 to ask me about vandalism to the external charity box. Luckily I'd emptied it mere hours before and they didn't get anything but it's still pretty shitty.

I had to re-do the full food count because it was mashed from yesterday, which wasn't the best part of my day. There is quite a bit of tension at work at the moment. Part of it is to do with Waj and her cronies, which I'm not interested in what so ever, and part of it is to do with the old Hannah-Karl-Jason love triangle thing from last year. Before I get started on the back story (because I can't remember what I wrote about it or if I even did) let me just say that all three of them are plebs. They're not nasty people, they're not the smartest either. They're the type who you see on Jeremy Kyle or Jerry Springer airing their metaphorical dirty laundry on TV.

So... Hannah fell for karl when she first started working with us, what must be nearly three years ago. She wrote him love poems - really bad ones but no less loving - and she pretty much begged him to go out with her. Eventually, after much persuasion, Karl agreed. No more than two weeks into their relationship, Hannah snogs Jason - he who steals every single GF Karl has ever had, as far as I'm aware - and thus ends her relationship with Karl in order to get with Jason. Not long into that relationship she repeats the betrayal by kissing Karl. A few months on, Hannah and Jason are still together, what's more she's pregnant and only seventeen.
One baby later and Hannah gets depressed. She realises that she never really loved Jason but loved Karl instead and begins to obsess about him again. Karl is not interested but Hannah takes a break from Jason anyway. I say break but they're still living in the same house doing everything they were previously but now Hannah has carte blanche to do what she pleases.
My advice to her was to try to accept that Karl is not an option for her and that her feelings will only get her hurt further if she continues. Waj tells her to try to get herself on the holiday to Turkey that Karl is taking with some mutual friends from work. Hannah has neither the time nor the money to do this but because it is such an appealing possibility she cannot resist and seems to have gotten it into her head that this is the thing to do. I feel like slapping Waj for that and much more but I'm not going to get into that bullshit again.

Anyway, now I feel like an agony aunt, allbeit a crappy one, whose advice can be superceded by some random girl who can't even manage her own relationships with platonic friends let along someone elses tricky relationships with people they're obsessed with. Enough of that. Moving on...

It's Mo's little sister's Birthday today. She is turning five and no I didn't get her the bag of sugar, though I was tempted lol. I got her a suitably girly bead necklace making kit. I used to love that sort of stuff when I was growing up so hopefully she'll like it. We're all going out for an Indian buffet type thing, which I seem to recall was pretty damn spicy the last time I was there. It's going to be strange sitting with all of Mo's family, especially now that I know they're trying to force him into an arranged marriage. I must try not to get involved.

I'm sure there was something else I was going to say but I can't seem to dredge it from my slugish memory. Oh, trophies :D Got three more just tonight and hopefully I'll get one more before I go to bed. I've been pretty focussed on getting them today because there is no one I know online to distract me, not that distractions are bad you understand. I'm starting to think Zaibo and Fez are avoiding me lol, nothing changes.

Hi honey, I'm home... early.

2009-04-16T08:19:00.004+01:00

I was expecting to be stuck at work until 5am but luckily the air-con guys took a glorious 3 hours to do our whole system where usually it takes nearly 6. All the jobs I had to do pretty much got done although I would have liked to have done absolutely bugger all instead. No such luck there. I won't bore you with details, suffice to say it's all dull dull dull.

Walking onto a shift that's almost half over is very disconcerting. Karl's style just isn't my style and I felt like I was driving a bus when I thought I was driving a porsche. Still, after getting down and dirty with the equipment I managed to hurry it up a lot so my guys could finish and get out in good time. Fez came to meet Charl and Mo. He got me in trouble with the boss by getting spotted walking around the kitchen in his civies. I ought to slap him in the face. Ahmed came to pick them all up, leaving me behind with some strange blokes from Yorkshire who drank more coffee than any three men I've ever met.

About 1 I got a text from Harriet calling Fez, Mo, Ahmed and Charl 'fuckers' for going on a drive and not inviting her along. That's pretty whack especially since Charl is her sister. Good job I was working or I might have gotten offended too. Hell hath no fury, and all that bumpf.

Dave was insistent that I got off the PS3 at 6, after we'd bartered a little for how long I would be on there for. In the end he took longer doing is articles so I got to stay on, Yay! No sign of Zaibo or Fez but I have made a friend who is fun to frag with and who is probably more addicted to trophies than I am, if that's possible lol.

Mo's little sister's Birthday is on Friday and we've all been invited to her party so tomorrow I need to buy a gift befitting of a 5 (?) year old girl who likes eating sugar straight out of the packet lol. Hmm, I wonder if I could get away with a bag of tate&lyle lol.

I can't believe I've done it again... It's nearly 9am so I'd better be off. Live to fight another day :D

Petty Grumble

2009-04-15T07:09:00.003+01:00

I kind of feel like I've missed out a little bit. It's stupid but I really wanted to get my UT3 trophy for winning a match on every map in multi-player and even fez joined me for a couple of matches. I'm a few maps short of the trophy and I hate that I got made to feel like shit when I was over half way through a tricky match and couldn't pause it becuase it was online. I understand that Dave found it rude that I wanted to finish my match before having my dinner but I'm also pissed off that he threw a strop over it and made me feel like shit. If he was in that situation there would be no way in hell he would forsake his progress even if he would say the oposite.

I'm stubborn but martyred myself and turned the game off. Now I wish I had stuck to my guns because I'm going to have to do it all again. :( Anyway, that was my petty grumble.

I have a late start tomorrow. 7pm. We're having our air-con ducts cleaned and someone has to stay with them. That's me. I wish I didn't have loads of jobs to do, that I could just read or maybe write some of the novel I started after I finished my NaNoWriMo from last year. I've neglected it quite a lot, which is a shame really.

It's getting late, too late for me to try to make up some trophy progress, so I think it's time for bed. I wasn't really in the mood for watching TV but Dave was so that's the TV taken up and no gaming for me. The sun is up so it definitely is time for bed lol. Night.

I am an Xbox 360

2009-04-14T13:27:00.004+01:00

I'm not in the habbit of writing posts while I'm at work but seeing as today seems like it's going the same way as yesterday, hopefully minus the urchins, I thought I'd have another grumble.

So, I went to bed too late last night. Another night of 4 hours kip, but that's not the problem... the problem is the phone call I recieved at 9am from the police. Last month a young girl got assaulted in our store by some chavvy slags - I had to separate them - and the police have been after the CCTV footage. Unfortunately for me, I am the only person who knows how to burn the footage to disc, not that it matters because the recorder is half broken and will only let you use flash memory or the out-dated floppy diskette. The officer was waiting for me when I got in, so before I'd even had a chance to wake up properly my brain found itself trying to dredge up month old memories of one of the worst shifts from hell ever. Add to that the fact the Craig was moaning at me that I was supposed to be covering his breaks... Bad start to the day.

I've seen myself in a mirror thismorning and it's not good. Never is, but my eyes are so red I look like and Xbox360 when the red ring of death rears its ugly head lol.

So now I'm sat in the very quiet staff room, drinking iced vanilla latte (own creation, we don't sell them - I'm good like that) trying not to fall asleep.

Fez pissed me off last night. He was supposed to join Zaibo and me on UT3 but he bailed on us. Scum. I had fun anyway playing instagib with Zaibo and a friend online. I've not laughed that much playing games in a long while, especially when I ran into an area where, lay on the floor, was the twitching form of a player faking death... in instagib? Quality laughs.

Anyhoo... I should be doing something towards eating my now cold dinner. Laterz!

Trial by Fire

2009-04-14T05:36:00.004+01:00

I was going to call this post oops I did it again because I ended up staying up until the start of office hours again, playing UT3. But in the light of all the rubbishness that's happened to me today I'll try to think of something more appropriate, something that sums up the wankiness of the day.

Besides another night of 4 hours sleep, one which I'm repeating for the thrid night in a row tonight, I got up and remembered that my work shirts were still wet. On Easter bank holiday Monday everything is shut. By everything I mean the laundrette. The laundrette was shut. At work I tried to dry my shirt under the hand drier but I can tell you that was as possible as platting piss. So for about an hour I was sticky and incomfortable while my shirt actually dried on me, and while I sorted out the crappy chengeover that I got left with by Craig. I don't usually complain because it's easier to go round and get everyone to do the set up tha way you like it, but today I was always on the back foot. Lots of people needing breaks, people needing to go home, jobs that needed doing, lots of customers and the special x-factor. Actually it's more like the w-factor, w for wank.

This wank factor came today in the form of a group of prepubescent chavvy children who were hell bent on making a nuissance of themselves. Sally kicked them out for stealing our cleaning chemicals but the didn't go away. They produced a bottle of vodka and proceeded to share it out between their drinks. These kids were barely 13 and they had hard liquor. I'm not saying I never drank vodka at 13, I'd be lying if I said I didn't, but I never caused trouble like kids today do.

Anyway, after they'd lit a nice little bracken fire down in the stream bed by the store two of them tried to come back into the store to use the toilet but I intercepted them and told them to get out. I hate being ignored but what I hate even more is being disrespected as well so I gripped the young boy and pulled him out of the gents where his neanderthal tom-boy friend was waiting. The cheeky little cow tried to square up to me, which I found extremely funny but also disturbing. Being thirty and pretty hefty I probably could have taken on 5 or 6 of her without much bother but I'm not supposed to beat up the customers, not that it stops me sometimes lol. When you have 2 kids telling you that they're going to beat you up if you touch them one more time as you're trying to usher them towards the door, you have to laugh. When the girl picked up a tray and tried to smack me over the head with it I lost it a little and got rough. I laughed when she said she'd call the police. While you're there you can tell them all about your underage drinking, stupid urchin.

One phone call to the fire service, one untimely visit from the boss, several glass bottles thrown at the windows and countless insults later I'm ready to curl up and sleep until next week. It didn't stop being busy but atleast it's over now.

I'm in work again at 11am and it's just after 6am so I'm going to be fucked again tomorrow but, as with the previous 2 days, I've done it to myself.

I'm an Idiot

2009-04-13T04:58:00.003+01:00

So, I got home from work last night and started playing UT3 with Zaibo. Apparently he was pissed but it didn't stop him from killing me a good few times. The guy is getting better, quickly. Soon he'll over take me and I'll be the shittest again lol.

I've been trying to get a few trophies quicker than I would normally do in the general progression of playing the game and as a result I was still awake at 9am. I know I'm a night owl but seeing 9am and having not been asleep just before hand was a shock to the system that I don't want to repeat, but you know I will because I'm addicted. Shameful.

Work tonight was tedious. 1 no-show and too many customers on the night of the major weekly stock count totally fucked up my night. I managed to pull it back and got to Ahmed's just before 1am. The prospect of his visa running out and him not being alowed back in the country is really fraying the edges of his mind. He is convinced that there's no hope for him despite us giving him several ideas, all of which legal by the way in case you were thinking that my friends and I are somehow dodgy.

Mo got a phone call from his parents at about 2 and had to go home. He was there for less than half an hour before he called us up and asked for someone to come and pick him up again. When he came back he was so angry I had a horrible feeling that his parents had slapped an arranged marriage on him and they had... to his 2nd cousin. It's incest, I know, I cringe at it too but it's not exactly frowned upon in their culture. We spent the next our and a half talking about what he could do to disusde his folks from forcing him to marry his 18 year old cousin. He's 20.

So now I face the very real prospect of losing 2 friends to "culture" and the immigration department. Today wasn't such a good day.

It's well too late to be starting playing UT3 now but I'm going to do it anyway, for an hour, I promise, no more than that hehe.

Feeling Fuzzy

2009-04-12T03:33:00.002+01:00

Right now I'm feeling pretty fuzzy in the head. This cold is messing with my head so badly and I'm not having a very good time of it. When I first started work today I kind of felt like I'd hi-jacked someone elses body and taken it for a ride. I just didn't feel right. Now I just feel drained but not tired, if that makes sense. Tomorrow should be fun, what with the full stock count to do and that Ahmed is having us round to his house after the night shift. I'm going to be top quality company.

Getting more UT3 in tonight. Zaibo is being very acomodating of my trophy needs, for which I'm grateful, and in return I'll back him up when we come to do a campaign for insane trophies. He's basically using the time to get better than me, which won't be long now lol. I don't mind, I'm a self confessed crappo when it comes to FPS games.

Might be back later. I'll see how I feel.

Old Red Eyes Is Back

2009-04-11T07:12:00.003+01:00

I don't mean that I'm an alcoholic but my eyes are red from lack of sleep. Yes, yes, I hear you moaning 'you do it to yourself' and you're right, I should have been in bed hours ago. I'm not even feeling well but it takes little enough effort to sit in front of the telly and play UT3 that I can keep it up for hours even in a sickened state.

The extent of my malady is just the beginnings of a cold - it feels like it's going to be a bad one but only time well tell - and my regular monthly cramps. Today was insufferable, I just wanted to curl up and die somewhere warm where I could sleep and forget about my pains but other distractions obviously work just as well. Yes, I'm addicted. Yes, it's shameful, and no I don't care.

I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow. Saturday's are busy usually and the local schools are off for easter weekend so there's going to be millions of chavy scrotes messing about in the store. I'm going to go on a blood spilling rampage if it kicks off tomorrow, period or not, I am not taking any shit from anyone.

Next weeks trip to Trafford Laser Quest is doing my head in now. People keep saying change the venue, change the day. If I do either then someone complains. Kirsty picked both the date and the venue and now she tells me that she's not going... I know she's got some shit on her plate right now but it's a bit irksome. So it's looking like Trafford is getting changed to Parrswood. Like it or lump it.

Right, I really am a red eyed freak now so I'm going to bed before my body decides to rebell against me and just pass out. Good night.

Kiss of Death

2009-04-10T02:52:00.003+01:00

It's been a long old day today. It started off as it always does with me going to bed late before I'm on an early so as it turned out I got 2 hours kip before going to work for 8 o'clock. When I say it dragged I mean time was liquid lead flowing at a snails pace through the arteries of the day. I finished at 4 and came home to get a 1 hour nap before going out with Harriet, Charl, and Fez to Sally and Murat's place for dinner. I must say they out did themselves and everything was really nice. I love their flat, and would probably kill to live in a similar place but it reminded me of halls of residence, allbeit really nice ones, and it's a council gaff which means I probably can't get in there unless I blag it that I'm homeless when I'm not.

We left them at 11 so that Murat could get his beauty sleep - I know how he's and 'early to bed early to rise' kind of guy - and headed to work to pick up Mo and Ali for a trip to Ahmed's house. It didn't exactly go to plan and we ended up fighting over something silly and when Fez started being a twat both Harriet and I retaliated. I have to say, I said some pretty nasty things that I feel bad for but he more than deserved them and I'm stubborn enough to not take them back.

At least two of the group were stressing out about going back home to Pakistan and never coming back, whether it be forced marriage or expired visa it ammounts to the same thing... I lose a friend :(

Work is a bit of a bummer at the moment. Everyone's moral has hit rock bottom. We have this mystery diner thing where we get graded on something called CSO - I won't bore you with the details - and we get two visits a month. Our Boss Ian had put £800 up for grabs in a kind of last man standing deathmatch type competition where the last store standing is the one who hasn't lost any CSOs by the time all the other stores have lost one of theirs. We were the underdogs, we were running away with it and then we got nominated as store of the quarter and that's when it happened... the kiss of death. I'ce been told that every store that gets store of the quarter loses their next CSO without fail and we did. The worst thing about it is that the Shift runner whose shift it was is my mate Ahmed. He didn't even know about the kiss of death theory. We're pretty sure the diner broke the rules of the visit and so we think we can get our marks back but until then Ian is on our case and everyone feels like shit.

That's all boring shit about my job and even I don't want to think about it so I'm off to play UT3 again... I'm still trophy hunting. Reckon I can get 5 tonight :D wish me luck!

Last Day Off

2009-04-08T18:42:00.003+01:00

Not THE last day off, like my lasy day off ever but my last day off until next week. I never like going back to work after a couple of days off, it's depressing. But at the same time I'd get just as stressed out at home usually... these two days off haven't been bad in terms of that, for which I am thankful.

Manchester Museum got a visit from us today. It hasn't changed since the last time I visited but it was interesting all the same. I never knew I knew so much stuff about natural and ancient history, and I learned a few things also.

Because I'm always tired and Dave is addicted to Starbucks we got a coffee in Picadilly gardens. At the counter some random guy, who was a little bit creepy, told me my luck was going to change. Then he proceeded to ask loads of questions about how long we'd been together and if we had any kids. I don't want kids and when I said this he was presumptuous enough to try to tell me my own mind. He was telling Dave that when I got pregnant, in 3-4 months or so he said, that I would change my mind. At this point I was drumming my finger nails on the counter and looking around for pens to stab him with. He was topped only by the arse hole bus driver the other day who was racist to some chinese bloke by telling him to learn to speak english just because his accent was difficult to understand; he upset a family of 4 by refusing to give them a family pass because their blatantly no older than 12 daughter didn't have a pass to prove she was under 16; pissed me off by asking me for a pass that didn't need; and pissed off some poor woman who wanted to buy a weekly pass but only had a Scottish £20, which he refused and asked her to get off the bus if she couldn't pay. Usually if they don't have change they'll just tell you to get on and buy your pass on an other bus... this guy was a tosser much like coffee shop bloke but of a higher calibur.

Anyway I wasn't planning on ranting about this shit but it's nearly that time of month now and i feel like getting angry lol.

So my plans for tonight are to play more UT3, where I'm trophy getting at the momment. There's a guy online who's a hell of a lot better than me but we're both addicted to trophies, or so it seems, and there are some easy gets that I've been putting off because they're tedious. Yesterday I got Survival of the fittest, the day before I got Untouchable, I've been trying to get back up to my previous levels of completion but it's proving to be a bugbear. I should be thankful that I get the extra practice but because I've already done most of it I'm more than a little tempted to play out the rest of the matches I need with nivice bots but that won't help me when I come to play my insane level campaign mission. Speaking of which, I need to find 3 kick ass players who haven't yet got their insane trophies to go in with me. I know Faz and Zaibo will do it but I think we might all need a lot more practice lol.

My others plans are to pop rounf Mo's house with the guys for a bit and then think about getting an early night because I'm in at 8 tomorrow morning. Nice!

Happy Birthday Dave

2009-04-07T19:08:00.002+01:00

I wrote a post last night but have decided not to bother with it. It basically involved me moaning about how tired I was and how I wasn't doing anything to help myself because I was staying up playing UT3 with Fez and Zaibo. Dave took over for a few matches so I started writing but it's sort of redundant now so I hit delete.

Anyway, Dave is 32 today. Happy Birthday prune. I've got a today and tomorrow off work so I can chill out. Whoop whoop! I think we're going out for a curry tonight but that depends on the birthday boy.

Been into Stockport today and bought a headset for the PS3. Now I can shout at people on UT3 for real instead of shouting at my TV and pretending they can hear me. I'm not sure how I'll feel about talking in a public match. I'm not confident enough I don't think but if it's just me, Fez and Zaibo playing campaign and someone random jions then I reckon I'll be fine. I'm still waiting for Wilson to grow a pair of bollocks and join us. He bought the game weeks ago but hasn't got round to playing it, so he says, but I reckon he's practicing offline so we don't slaughter him. I can't blame him. I played a fair few instant action matches before i plucked up the courage to join a multiplayer match. I won't lie. I was shit, but there's no substitue for online experience in my opinion. I've come on in leaps and bounds since. I'm still not really good but i can hold my own most of the time.

I'll probably write again later but for now that'll do.

Bloody Typical

2009-04-06T04:55:00.002+01:00

Talk about annoying... Dave goes to Stockport today to exchange our copy of UT3 because our copy has the US disc in an UK box, so because we're in the UK we can't use the US titan pack and because we're using the US copy the UK titan pack won't work. Problem solved... exchange the disc, which the nice man in the shop did happily for him, only now I've lost some of my trophy progression. Grrrrr :@ :@ :@!!! Every trophy I have completed is safe but any where I have completed a fraction of the trophy has been lost. Reset back to zero. I shouldn't be as vexed as I am but some of the trophies have mucho tedious criteria and I don't think I can bring myself to start again. So I guess I have a lot of trophy work ahead of me again. Wonderful.

Tuesday is Dave's 32nd Birthday but I don't think he'll take it gracefully. The older you get the worse you feel about your Birthday. I know I'm not looking forward to being 31. In light of all the arguing I'm going to try to be indomitable at least for 1 day.

So tired I feel drunk

2009-04-05T03:52:00.002+01:00

Being on the open this morning is not condusive to optimal brain function. Right now I'm so tired I feel like I'm pissed, or atleast a lot more than tipsy despite not touching a drop all night.

Today was Rach's 21st party, which was also the reception for the wedding they had yesterday and to celebrate that they're having a baby. I've not seen Rach for ages but she looks well. Her and Adam looked very happy, which is as much as anyone could want for friends, and the whole family seem pleased with the union. Harriet and I walked to the local golf club and now my feet feel broked. Woe is me.

Apart from having a shitty day at work - I told Mike not to give me the open but did he listen? did he bollocks - I just feel drained. It doesn't help that as soon as I got home tonight I started up the PS3 and started playing UT3. I think I'm addicted because I think about blowing random annoying people up with rocket launchers most of the day at work, or that could just be my psychopathic tendancies lol. I wonder if I could do that and get away with it by calling it "practice" hmm.

So now I'm aching for my bed but it's only 4am and I feel like a pussy crashing out so early. I need to catch up on some very much needed beauty sleep. I've got more bags under my eyes than they have in my local accessorize store but they don't look anywhere near as nice even though people tell me that black is my colour :S.

Anyway enough of that... I'm trying to de-stress my manic emotions. Time for bed, definately.

The ne'er do right

2009-04-03T05:45:00.004+01:00

I feel like I can do no right. I can't do right for doing wrong. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I'm always on the back foot, playing catch-up. I have "why" questions, frustrations, stress, sadness. Everything that's been said has been said so often I think I know it all off by heart yet still we get nowhere. Maybe it's you, maybe it's me, maybe it's both of us but, as you say, something needs to change. Going back is going forward even if it seems a contradiction.

I'm so stressed right now with everything at home and at work that I'm falling back into the rut I was in two Christmasses ago when I was having to pop beta blockers as though they were tic-tacs. My heart is rebelling against me, I don't think it wants to live in my body anymore so it's trying to push its way out of my ribs like the alien in Alien the film.

I'm going to sleep now. Sleep is good. Night.

Catch-up

2009-04-01T20:50:00.002+01:00

So I've been reading back over some of the entries I made last and I thought I'd start by addressing some of the things I noticed had changed since then, if that's ok with you? Good :)

I'd always wanted a cat. Now I have one. He's a 1yr old ginger tom called Hendrix, who only answers to "puss puss" and he's huge but cuddly. Dave and I weren't intending to get a pet but this one was a bit of a rescue mission. The whole thing starts with Noreen... She's forced into marriage by her mum, gets married in Pakistan, gets pregnant, loses the baby, moves her husband over here to live with the whole family, he buys her a kitten and then the mum throws her out because she's ill and depressed after her miscarriage and can't look after her brother's pregnant wife. Noreen gets put into a hostel by the council and can't take the kitten (Romeo, at the time) with her. Her evil mum said she would put him in a bin and leave him to die so she rings me begging for help, she needs someone to take the kitten until she can get herself back on her feet. I persuade Dave to let me take him in for a couple of weeks. A couple of weeks turns into a couple of months and we reach the point where the poor kitten is in desperate need of injections and spaying before he starts spraying my furnature with piss. Discussing it with Noreen, she's unable to take him back so Dave and I decide to have the kitten sorted out and once we'd payed for that he belonged to us. That was back in late April 2008 so now he's not a kitten any more and is a huge ginger monster. But we love him.

Next on the adjenda... I seem to recall saying, at some point, that I would be happy to keep in touch with ex-boyfriend Si *laughs* well I lied. All ties cut, lets just say that. Although I still get phone calls from debt management companies asking to speak to him, some of these get politely told not to ring again but most of them don't heed my warning and get loads of abuse when they call back. Tossers. Nearly three years on and I'm still hearing his name. Sheesh, what was I thinking... he would probably say the same but I don't give a shit what he thinks. Someone told me last year that he was engaged lol. Good luck to her.

Next... I'm down to my last year of debt payments and then I'll be free. I've been waiting for the day when the last of my card and loan payments are paid off but I've also recently been tempted into extending my debt for another year to consolidate again and use the excess to buy a car. Shameful, I know, but a car is something I've been dreaming of for a good 5 years. I'm severely torn.

Another development was the falling out with Hayley. She was a close friend. She turned gay. She became unreliable. I stupidly invited her on a trip to Amsterdam for my 30th birthday and booked it up and paid for when she said yes. She got thrown out of her house and I offered her an out, someone else could go in her place, but she insisted so I thought nothing of it. I'm a fool. She ignored my calls the week before we left. She text me on my birthday, not to say happy Birthday, to say she wasn't coming but that she would still pay me back and then turned her phone off. Harriet, Charlotte and I went without her and 2 weeks later we'd heard nothing from her. I got so pissed off that she owed me £100 that I showed up at her bar job demanding money from her she she emptied her purse of £25. 1 snide facebook group, a load of abuse and a few heart to hearts later she still owes me £25, owes Harriet £30 and our boss Mike £30. She's changed so much from the sweet and funny girl we knew to the trampy short-haired dyke she always swore she'd never be. Funny how you become everything you despise when you're trying so hard not to.

Insha quit her job with us, that was 9 months ago. I worried about her and Maz for a while but even though she's still not got a permenant job I worry less because they seem to be on top of things and pulling their way out of the rut. They've become more responsible with money, I think they'd agree, and Insha has given up smoking weed, for which I am proud of her :)

Dave got himself a PS3 for Christmas and I've taken to playing it quite a lot. I've been through Prince of Persia, which is my favourite series of games besides Final Fantasy, Devil May Cry 4, Heavenly Sword, Uncharted and Mirror's Edge. I gave Little big planet a try but found it frustrating and now I'm adicted to Unreal Tournament 3, which I play daily. I'm pretty crap but am getting better slowly. I've solicited Wilson and Fez into playing it with me but as yet only Fez has obliged. Just wait until Zaibo gets on aswell and we'll have a masive frag fest :D. These are all guys from work BTW. Fez is a legend from back in the old skool days... he's my psychic partner in crime, his words not mine.

So that covers everything that I can think of for now... I'm sure I've missed something and I most definately haven't covered the recent dirge of Waj shit... yes she's still with us and still causing trouble. I despise her now. Burned too many times you might say. Now I wash my hands of it all. I am the river and she is a pebble. One pebble cannot alter the river's course. The river flows and life goes on.

That Time Again

2009-04-01T04:59:00.002+01:00

I know what you're thinking... it's that time again. And you're right. I've been away from you for a year and a half and damn straight I think I can walk back in here like I never neglected you, like no time has passed. Who do I think I am? This is my blog, I think you'll find.

Enough of the madness. No I'm not taking happy pills but I should be. I won't bore you with the details except to say I'm feeling sorry for myself.

That'll do for now... I need to break myself back into these things slowly. If I throw myself back into this I'll probably start going through UT3 cold turkey lol.

Adios.

Happy Birthday to me!

2007-09-17T14:16:00.000+01:00

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm now 29, which is disturbing, if just by it's very nature. I'm getting old but I don't really feel it that much, in fact I've not felt much older since I turned 24. I'm the same me, doing the same job in as near as damn it the same place... it's just the faces that have changed.

So, yesterday was a really good day, I enjoyed myself thoroughly. Thanks to all the well wishers and people who text me yesterday, even if I'm not 100% sure who you were because I don't recognise your numbers :) and thanks to Dave for suffering me all day and pandering to me wants.

On Saturday night we went out into town with Hayley and Harriet. Inshas brother was visiting her so they went to gay village and we met up with them later on in the evening. Alex and his girlfriend left the casino to come out and see us for a while. All in all it was a bit of a disaster with a few good bits tossed into the mix. We queued over an hour to get into 42nd street and when we got inside it was rubbish with music dj'd by Clint Boon from the Inspiral Carpets. He's one of these blokes who thinks that because he was in a Mancunian hay-day band he's got music taste rivalled by no other and we were subjected to a whole load of shit, most of which I'd never heard before. Hayley was priceless with her dancing and chit chat with random people. I found a huge hair grip lying round on one of the tables and dared her to clip it into someone's hair... she clipped it onto some pissed blokes shirt. I was crying with laughter.

When we met Insha, Maz and entourage in gay village they had a transsexual in tow. I'm not closed minded and don't tend to feel awkward around transgender or homosexual folks but she was a little bit trampy and I found myself "eyerolling" her little dances. Maz was getting pissed off with her and also with Kay & Jay (Inshas brother and sister) because they were acting like idiots under the influence of booze. I was fine with this until the end of the night and a fight broke out outside the bar we'd been in, where some girl got decked by some chav twat and Kay got herself involved trying to help the girl who was wandering around with blood dripping from her nose and mouth, wailing like a banshee all the way. A group of guys started scrapping and one got pushed over into the pass on a bus... all credit to the driver, he managed to stop the bus before the guy got caught under it but did hid him quite hard in the head. He got up and his mates spirited him away but by then the damage had been done. Maz and Harriet were traumatised and crying, all we wanted to do was get in a taxi and go home and when I tried to get the drunkards in a cab I basically got a face in my hand so I could talk to that because apparently the face wasn't listening. I got pissed off then and was quite happy to leave them to get their faces smashed in, at which point Kay intervened because she didn't like me talking to her brother like that, so me, Dave, Hayley and Harriet went for a taxi after we'd seen Insha drive away with a hysterical Maz in a black cab. I felt sorry for Jays boyfriend because he was a sensible chap and didn't say or do anything wrong but we left him behind nonetheless.

We had planned to go round to Inshas and continue the party there but none of us felt like seeing the drunkards again that night so they came round here and we talked our traumas out a bit. We were lucky that none of us got caught up in the fighting because the chavs that were scrapping were punching people we were stood next to.

I basically decided that my birthday wasn't going to start until I'd been to sleep, then it would be a new day, and that's the way it was though I don't think we'll be going out to town on a Saturday night again.

Finding a Rhythm

2007-09-12T01:56:00.000+01:00

Over the past few days I've been feeling pretty abysmal. Always tired, short tempered and I've even been driven to despair several times. Now I think I'm coming round, I'm either finding a rhythm or the prospect of 6 consecutive days off is spurring me on. Tomorrow being the last shift until I'm off and it's my 29th birthday on Sunday so all in all I'm feeling a bit more perky.

Work hasn't been the best today especially when I thought I was going to be home quite early and I then find that Craig hadn't booked the delivery or filled out the P&L log and I had to go round double checking all of the deviations, of which there were hundreds. Seeing as it took me a while I decided to leave all the chairs up to give him something to do in the morning... and yes, he will moan, but no, I don't care.

So, with my birthday on it's way, I've decided I'd like a cat but there's not much chance of that says Dave. He thinks he's got an allergy to cats so I'd like him to get an allergy test or something so I can at least know whether a cat is a possibility for us. My mum never let me have one when I was a kid, though she got one when my little brother asked for one, and now I'm an adult I'm finding that there's something else stopping me, so I'm feeling hard done by on that count.

That's all for now, you can go now ;)

The Small Things

2007-09-10T05:04:00.000+01:00

I've been meaning to write again for a few days to get a few things off my chest but I've put it off and put it off until tonight. It's just one of those times where you feel the balance tipping and what ever it is you're balancing is going to fall.

I've been feeling a bit rubbish over the past few days, most of which I put down to the usual monthly onslaught of hormones and period pains but last night I felt quite lonely despite not being alone. It's hard to explain, and intended or not, being alienated made me feel pretty worthless in myself. Now tonight I'm being dubbed a serial moaner, it might be true, well yeah ok I do moan but not without a reason. The thing that's tipped the balance for me is so small you think what the fuck but to me, right now it feels quite big and it's a question of whether someone thinks about you, you know when they're at the shop buying themself a treat, do they think Oh, I know I'll get her one too or did they not think of you at all. It doesn't seem like a big thing to sweat about when you're on the outside looking in but this is probably the first time I've noticed it and I'm asking myself why? It's probably quite irrational but I'm fighting the urge to have a good cry right now as everything feels like it's mounting up.

He Said She Said

2007-08-29T02:18:00.000+01:00

Well, what can I say? There are lots of things I could say, about what's been on my mind and of the comings and goings of people and conversations in my world but I've spent so much time and energy on them already I really don't think I can do it again in any great detail.

There's a name that grates on my nerves without fail; a conversation I'm bored of having, regardless of the person; and I'm tired of doing the same shit day in day out.

People at work are pissing me off with their "he said she said" tactics and one person in particular is heading for a bitch slap.

It's my birthday in just over two weeks and I've got Dave and my mum asking me what I want and I can't really think of anything material right now, except for a few little things. I'm not even bothered that I'm going to be 29. I feel more like a chastised child most of the time, not from anything that they've done or said, but within myself. It's hard to explain but I don't always feel like the adult you can't talk down to. So what do you get an adult who doesn't really feel like an adult for their birthday? They allways say I'm hard to buy for, or that I'm awkward but I can't help it if I look like a sack of spuds in any clothes I get bought for me, or get headaches from most perfumes I get bought for me, or don't like gold jewellery because it makes me look anaemic, or don't like having kitchen appliances bought for me because they don't feel like special gifts.

Other than my blood boiling over the same old shit there's not much else to say...

Little Fucking Cunts.

2007-08-20T03:32:00.000+01:00

Seemingly, I've fallen into a vengeful rut where I'm at war with the world as I know it. The past day or two at work has been less than pleasant starting with another session of "have you been slagging me off" this time by Amelia. She said it herself that she doesn't want to fall out with anyone from work, and who's falling out? But I swear I'm going to start falling out with people if my name doesn't stop cropping up on the lists of slaggeroffer's when I've not done anything like slag someone off... with the odd exception of Becky whom I make a point of moaning about now just out of principal. It's not a crime to dislike someone so tough titties luv.

Then there was some bloke who was blatantly looking for an argument, and this one was over whether or not he could have a particular product after the time at which we stop serving said product. Twat.

Then there was the scrotey kids that I've banned a million and one times already (make that a million and two). They decided to come in and see us in a big group and sit there trying to shine laser pens into our eyes while we were trying to serve real customers. I don't know whether you know what it's like to get flash blindness from a laser but I can tell you it's not nice. Exposure to one of those things for a quarter of a second or more can damage your retina's or your corneas permanently. So I caught a flash full in the eye and now I have a section of vision in my right eye that's a bit "not as it should be". It's hard to describe how it feels but I guess the best way would be to say that this part of my vision feels like it doesn't quite belong to me, it's like there's something there but my brain is hashing over it, like it does a blind spot only not a smoothly. Anyway, the point is that at that point I wanted to kill every last one of them, cut them up into little pieces and post them in jiffy bags back to their mothers. I know what you're thinking, I need help, right? Wrong, I need society to change and realise that kids, especially teenage kids, even though they're technically not adults, if they behave in a way that is socially unacceptable then they should be punished like the adults they think they are. You can't beat them, you can't even really lay a finger on them, but I tell you if they tried that shit on the street I'd kick the shit out of them before they could say "It wasn't me it was him", which is what they say every time so you don't start on them but some other kid. Fuckers, I hope they push their luck with someone who's so dodgy they're almost beyond the law themselves and this person doesn't take any of their shit and fucks them up big style... they deserve it. If my eyesight is damaged permanently I'm going to find them and make sure they get what's coming to them.

Anyway, enough of my anger management needs... I've got some crappy course to attend for work two days this week, which means I'm going to have to get up stupidly early (for me anyway) and sit listening to some randomer chatting about food this and food that, I hope I don't fall asleep.

Next week Dave and I are planning to recreate the all nighter that we had ages ago, it's bound to fail because you can never recreate something as spontaneous as that but it should be ok nonetheless. Harriet won't be there as she's on holiday and there'll be some extra bods so it's not the same crew as last time, we'll see how it goes.

There's also plans for a fancy dress halloween party at Insha's, and everyone is getting a bit excited about what they're going to go as, me included, but I'll keep you posted on how the deliberations for that are going a little nearer the time.

Anyhoo, it's time for me to get going... bed time :)

Brainless, titless, dog-faced midget bitch.

2007-08-12T01:07:00.000+01:00

I wasn't planning on blogging tonight but seeing as I've had such an eventful evening at work I thought I might as well write about it before my bemusement fades into the abys known as "what the fuck?"

You know from my last blog post that there was a bit of a "meh" at Insha's party last Friday, where Amelia invited Becky with out the permission of the hostess and then deigned to say the party was shit when they'd only stayed for a short while, etc etc...

Well... at work today I was thrown into my current bemused state by the appearance of Amelia, Becky and Kat in my drive thru. Amelia then says "Insha's just had a massive go at me over the phone". I know Insha wasn't happy about Becky being invited and about the shunning of he super party but "having a massive go"? That's just not Insha's style. Then Becky starts asking me what I was saying about her at the party, because it had to be me and no one else. I mean, what the fuck? How far up your own arse can you actually be to think that the world revolves solely around you and I'd have nothing better to talk about all night than one brainless, witless, titless, bulldog-faced, coke-headed midget-bitch! Get over yourself luv. Becky even knows me well enough, and should remember what I'm like from working with me... I don't say anything behind anyone's back that I wouldn't say to their face. There's none of this overhearing something I say and challenging me on it in order to make me say "I didn't say anything"... I'll fucking tell you straight, and if I say I didn't slag you off, it means I didn't slag you off (for a change, I admit).

Anyway... I wash my hands of the civilities, I can't be arsed to use my energy to create pleasantries (allbeit empty ones) from the hate I feel for you that is born simply from the fact that I despise every atom in the body and soul of drugged up, self-centred, arrogant mongs like you.

And that, as they say, is that!

The Lobster Faced Freak!

2007-08-08T12:35:00.000+01:00

It's been a while... again. I'm really not the reliable blogger I started off as. Just a few things to report and then I'll be out of your hair for another month or so.

Work is pretty much the same as always, except we're struggling to keep new shift runner Karl on the designated path. He's hell bent on proving himself to be the biggest idiot a village has ever spawned, and while he's rubbing all the staff up the wrong way we're all getting fed up of guiding him out of his retardedness and into the first phase of normality. In short he's a moron, no ifs not buts. Hayley is next so lets hope she picks it up quicker.

Insha's party on Friday was pretty good. There was a bit of dubiousness going round like a about of the flu when some of us heard that Amelia was bringing Becky along. I'm not sure that Insha invited Becky but she was there anyway when me and the gang arrived. Karl (the cool one not the plebby one) and Oli wanted to do some damage to her car... they really hate her, and we all sat out in the garden until they'd all pissed off to Wigan Pier (home of the scally raver). A few drinks, a bit of the old guitar hero and some sing star later we were all happy bunnies. The Asian contingency at the party were on a mission to drown out our guitar and singing efforts with bangra so we sat back and chatted. Hayley was off her face and getting dragged along the floor by Kay, she's got a lovely carpet burn. Alex and Craig got so pissed they puked in Insha's garden. Alex's girlfriend came to collect him and she wasn't happy... lets hope she didn't see what was going on with him and Charlotte earlier in the night *cringe*. Some knob also pissed in Insha's bath... if it was you, you're a disgusting piece of shit! Ma and Adam have given up the stubborn non-speaking efforts and are back on the "bird flu" track again. It's a relief really, I'm sure we both regretted how it went bad, but in the end I think it came good after all seeing as he's got himself a better job now, with better hours and better pay... and he's got to wear a tie LOL *snigger*.

Erm, back to Insha's party then... and I've heard that Amelia said it was shit. I mean, what a shock. I get on alright with her but that's annoyed my slightly, just because it wasn't the rave and drug haven you thought it would be. And bringing someone who wasn't even invited. All I can say is that it was better once they'd all fucked off to Wigan.

So after the party came the anual visit of the Geordies to my house. It was good to see them again and a bit strange to have my brother kipping on my floor. I didn't much appreciate the early starts every day but It's back to my usual late starts again now. Saturday we just chilled out. Sunday we went to Chester Zoo, that place is more expensive than I thought. I managed not to get sun burned all day, quite impressive considering I'm always the first to burn. Monday we went to Alton Towers, which was a fab day. We got on more rides than when we went with work, despite it being during school holiday time. Andrew went on everything we went on except Oblivion... he took one look at it and shat his pants pretty much. He wasn't very happy with himself after that. Dave enjoyed himself more this time round and he's promised me that he'll do a PopBuzz blog post about the Alton rides so I'll point you all to that once he's done it. I may even put up our photos from the rides if I'm feeling brave. I'm now a lobster faced sunburned freak now, it seems like I always get burned at Alton Towers LOL.

Well that's that for now I guess... We're having poker night round Insha's on Friday so no doubt I'll have more to update on then.

Some Semblance of Normality

2007-07-20T02:11:00.000+01:00

Everything seems to be getting back to normal now and after some lengthy discussions I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm probably over suspicious and over paranoid... I'm going to call this EX-syndrome and I'm sure I'm not the only one who suffers this terrible affliction. It happens to people whose present and future are tainted by trauma from their past, caused by their ex and the things they did. I think I need to clear out some of the stresses I'm still bogged down with in terms of EX-syndrome but it's a little hard for me because I'm still stuck with a huge debt that my EX helped me rack up. It pisses me off a little that I just cracked and decided that the stresses I was facing because of him were far worse than the ten thousand pounds plus of debt I was going to have to pay back. But I made the choice to deal with the debt in order to get him out of my life, and in a way it's easier living without the money I used to get from him because I pay less out in bills and shopping when I never thought it would be possible to manage on my own.

Why all this talk of EXes, you ask? Well I guess I was reminded of it all when my ex got back in touch with me the other day for something random and mundane... yes, yes that's right, they always want something when they get back in touch and he is no different. I was at work when the text came, didn't recognise the number but guessed who it was and my boss was shocked at the curses coming out of my mouth, so I recounted the story and his words were "what a twat." LOL. Anyway, you have to be polite don't you? It's a case of pleasantries laced with poison. I've not even heard from him since Christmas so I'm sure the request for some random computer disc was prompted by something sinister, a chance to rub some salt into the old wounds perhaps. Anyway, enough of that old tosh... I've though about this shit enough and I don't want to waste any more brain cells thinking about it again.

That reminds me... I've been meaning to write a post about the fabled Alton Towers trip, which caused me so many problems, but I'm kind of waiting for Dave to write a post for his blog with video's of the rides and all that, then I can direct you there to see the lovely rides we went on without me having to go digging clips up on youtube, so maybe that'll come in the future.

My folks are visiting in a couple of weeks, it's a once yearly thing where my mum comes down to inspect my flat, check I'm not starving (as if I would) and generally have a poke around and a bit of a natter. My brother has decided that he would like to go to Alton Towers while he's down this way so I'm faced with a second trip there only weeks after the first trip... I don't mind really. I think it's because he had a rubbish time on his school trip to Flamingo Land and he'd like to try Alton Towers as he's never been there and they live a little bit too far out of the way to go there directly, so going while they're visiting me is ideal... we'll see how it goes. I don't think Dave will go this time as he's still traumatised after riding Rita LOL.

Well, that'll do for now... until next time, ciao.

Sex Talk & Flirtation

2007-07-10T12:58:00.000+01:00

I'm back now, a slightly more calm me but I'm still not a happy bunny. I think this week has been one of the worst... I've been broken hearted, temporarily bankrupted, stressed to the max and crying at the slightest thing.

When I last posted I was furious because Dave's been talking to a girl he met in writing forums a whlie back, sex talk and flirtation I call it, just two friends talking is what they're both calling it but I don't buy it. To top it off, I called him on it a couple of weeks ago (according to him that's when it started so my super duper psychic powers must be spot on at the moment) and he told me I was stupid to even think that, that nothing of the sort was going on... he lied to me in a big way basically and now I find myself not really trusting him anymore. It's more the intent to keep it secret than anything, I think, but after I got curious I read a message and didn't like what I saw, there's no excuse for it at all. It's a struggle for me not to mention it, I'm reminded of it by the smallest of things (like the Australian house mate in Big Brother etc) and I see in my head that I'm being lied to for a second time, I'm probably being paranoid but would you blame me, and I wasn't wrong last time. Innocent he's calling it, but anyone who meets anyone over the internet knows that that's how it starts, just a bit of flirting and talking about sex that leads to other things. She married a guy she met on the internet and I wonder if he'd see it my way if he knew she'd elabourated to my boyfried how she gets herself off in the bath and some of her random fantacies etc... who knows eh? I had this sort of traouble with Si talking to random girls online and lying to me, he was obviously worse but I'm not going through another relationship like that.

Anyway, so that brings me to my temporary bankruptcy as I like to call it. Starting off with a work's day out to Alton Towers this wednesday coming, which was organised by my boss rather late in the grand scheme of things, I ended up n charge of organising the tickets. Everyone paid me their money and I paid it into my bank so I could buy the tickets over the phone. I rings up the booking line and tries to pay for them but they say "sorry miss, you don't appear to be authorised for that payment", so I'm thinking maybe the money really hasn't cleared, I know I'll try again tomorrow. So I rings them back and tries again but they're saying the same thing so I rings my bank who has a lovely Indian call centre and I spend a while trying to explain my situation to the guy there who tells me they've authorised bot the payments to Alton Towers and both payments have left my bank. I'm rather shocked at this as you can imagine as I only had enough money in my account to pay for one set of tickets and now I'm facing being several hundred pounds overdrawn. I rings back Alton towers who tell me I've been "ring sensed" what ever the hell that is, and they need to fax my bank to release the money, which takes 7 - 10 working days and I obviously don't have that long so now I'm in tears again for the 10th time in 3 days. I ring my bank for a fax number but Indian call centre operatives can't give me one because my bank has scrapped the "local branch" policy and have one centralised hub over there in sunny India. They then asks me to get Alton Towers to refund both the payments so they can give my money back to me but Alton Towers say they haven't got it because my bank didn't let them have it so the money is in limbo until it bounces back into my account, which takes up to 10 working days - and I don't have that long. I rings back my bank and explains my problem to the 4th different person I've spoken to who passes me back to the supervisor I shouted at earlier who agrees to re-credit one of the two payments that didn't really leave my account and give me an overdraft to cover the other one so I can take the money out and find some other way of payng for these god damn tickets - free of charge of course. That was two hours of my stressed out, tear filled life and I went to work for the second time that week looking like I'd been crying all day and all night.

The next day I rang Alton Towers back and they've sorted it out so I can pay when I get there on Wednesday and the nice lady explained to me what "ring sensed" is... apparently when a retailer requests a payment they have to apply to 2 places to get it out of your account. One is your bank and the other is something called "secure trading" an in my case, my bank said yes but at secure trading it was a case of "computer says no", so the money is set aside and if the retailer doesn't claim it in a few days it comes back to my bank as if it never left! Hopefully we'll all be happy Alton Twoers goers on Wednesday and if we're not I think I'll slit my wrists. I could really do without any ore things to stress me out.

Oh, that reminds me, Amelia gave birth to her baby yesterday, a lovely dark haired baby girl called Lola. Amelia's apparently a little worse for wear, she says she can see why I don't want to have any kids. I wonder if Matt's the father or not, still I don't spose it matters as long as she's happy.

I knew I was right.

2007-07-05T03:51:00.000+01:00

I feel like slitting my wrists right now, or else atleast someone elses... you know who you both are so save the excuses.

The feeling of being stabbed in the back is an interesting one that I'm starting to get use to, and no, I'm not going emo on you. Maybe I'll elaborate when I'm less in shock but for now suffice to say I'm not happy about being right this itme. I just want to be engulfed in darkness and to sleep forever right now :'(

7 Random Facts About Cloudy

2007-06-19T19:36:00.000+01:00

Well, seeing as I've been tagged with a meme by Dave, who writes over at PopBuzzUK, I've got to write 7 facts about myself but I'm not promising they'll be interesting ;)

1. Dave is my partner, but I'm certainly the better half. We got together nearly a year ago and are coming up to our aniversary very soon, god only know how I've put up with him for so long... only joking ;)

2. I have a degree in Chemical Science, yet I earn my money flipping burgers for a well known "fast food" chain. It's not the most riviting of jobs but it's easy enough and brings in enough money to pay the bills - just, plus I'm lacking the ambition to go out and do anything else right now.

3. I have two tattoos, one of which is a tribal dragon on my right shoulder blade and the other is tribal style wings on my left foot, which wraps over the top of my foot and around my ankle. Both of my tattoos are black, I don't really like colourful tattoos as they look a bit too tacky for my taste and the colour is often the first thing to start fading on a tattoo. I'm considderng another but I don't want to end up looking like someone's personal sketch pad.

4. My favourite reading spot is in the bath. I can spend hours in there with a good book and only come out when the water's cold, and often do, much to the annoyance of Dave.

5. My favuorite food is Chinese or Cantonese but I'll pretty much eat anything except for celery and mushrooms, they're both disgusting to me. Oh, and I hate Gin too, blergh!

6. The first gig I ever went to without my mum was a Metallica gig at Whitlet Bay Ice Rink - I was 13. I remember it like it was yesterday, they had some awesome fireworks and a fire on-stage that you could feel the heat from halfway back. Nearly 7 years later I went to see them play Newcastle's Telewest Arena (now the metro radio arena) for the "Load" tour, they still put on an amazing show but it's never the same as your first time.

7. When was an underage drinker (aged 14 or 15) my favourite drinking spot was either down on the beach at Whitley Bay, where we used to light a fire and sit there chatting until we got moved on by the police, or at the old priory castle in Tynemouth. Ah, those were the days. Nowadays I don't drink much, I think I've grown out of it.

So, now I have to tagg 7 other people with this meme and get them to write 7 facts about themselves. Since Dave works for a blog network I think I'll try to keep this mostly within the network, so I'm tagging these people:

Maddy @ Hogwarts Herald

Elisa @ Watching Dr Who

Jeff @ Right News & Views

Keith @ Watching Heroes

Barbara @ Knitting Passion

Sexyjelly @ No Man Land

Carrie @ Wax & Bubbles

Enjoy!

Livid and Lethal

2007-05-16T01:09:00.000+01:00

I think I really do have a rather large chip on my shoulder right now and am feeling like I want to go out with a big club and do a bit of chav bashing. Yesterday at work some little bastards set fire to one of the bins right outside our front doors because we kicked them out for stealing straws and stuff 10 mins before closing. As usual it's me who sorts it out and I was there emptying a foam extinguisher into a bin FFS. Later on I went back and looked at the cameras to see which one of the little shits had actually set the fire going and narrowed it down to two. Both of whome showed up at the store this evening, both denying doing anything wrong.
I'm insensed, livid, fuming, angered to the point of violence and ready to swing with the first thing that comes to hand. I dispise people who lie even though they know you know what they've done and that you know they're lying to you. The girl who I spoke to looked at me like I was blind and stupid, and I'm not even ashamed to say I wanted to punch her in the face, even though she must have only been 15 years old. I need a holiday!

I don't even really give a shit about work at the moment. Stand-in store manager Anthony pissed me off last week when I ended up staying at work til 430am waiting with some air con blokes who'd come to do a 6 monthly service of our system... Ant took away our PS2 so I couldn't play it, I spent the whole night doing someone elses paperwork because he thought that I should be doing lots of work while I was in the store most of the night. CUNT! Wez pissed me off yesterday giving me a massive cleaning list, telling me I had to get it all done because he would be giving me another list the next day and I'd just be doing 2 lists the next day... Might I add that they did bollox all on his day shift and just left it all for me. CUNT! I'm almost wishing one of them would have a go at me for something so I can tell them to fuck off and walk off my own shift, leaving one of them to do extra hours. CUNTS!

On Thursday I'm on the close (as usual) and I'm getting the bus to go on holiday at 6am on Friday morning but I want to go out on Thursday after work to the kareoke bar in town and I don't think I'll have enough time to get everything done if I go. I can't miss this bus so I'll end up not going. I'm already not going to go to sleep after I get back from work just so I a) don't sleep in, and b) have enough time to get everything done. I'm sure there'll be other chances to go out, maybe.

I'm really looking forward to getting away from that shit hole for a while. I'm not looking forward to 11 hours on a bus but when I get where I'm going I'll have 6 days of work free relaxing... it's going to be like heaven :D

Anyway... enough of that, I've got stuff to be getting on with and time is ticking by....

Monthly Check-Up

2007-05-13T01:54:00.000+01:00

Yet another month has gone by without a thought or post for my blog, poor baby. Still, if my own blog isn't for me to use and abuse then what is it for?

This time next week I'll be on holiday in Cornwall with Dave, his brother Chris, Chris' GF Paula and some randomer Chris works with called Dan. I'm looking forward to it immensely, as this'll be the first propper holiday I've been on for ages. I usually go visiting friends or relatives, which can't really be classed as holidays really. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the shifts I have to do before I can get away. Oh, and the fact I have to leave at 6am the morning after a long Friday night shift :'(

The past few days at work haven't been very good, my heart just isn't in it (again). We've had a new manager for a month or so now and although I thought he would be an ok guy, turns out he's a twat like so many other managers I've worked with before... don't get me wrong they're not all the same but he's the kind of guy I left my other store to avoid working with. I'm finding my temper flairing more and more and today I nearly suspended the same guy three times just for being the little joker that he is. This holiday is definitely overdue.

Dave is at home with his folks now too, he's traveling to Cornwall with The Anthill Mob in The Bullet Proof Bomb (aka Chris, Paula and Dan) whereas I'll be getting the bus all the way down. 12 hours later I'll be ready for a stiff drink and a knife to slit my wrists with lol. I guess I'm missing him a bit even though I know I'll see him next week, it's just not the same here without him tormenting the hell out of me and running round doing silly dances lol.

Well, it's off in the bath for me... I'm currently re-reading all the Harry Potter books before Deathly Hallows comes out. I like to have it all fresh in my mind so I don't miss any little hints or connotations.

Terms & Conditions Apply

2007-04-09T15:37:00.000+01:00

Firstly I think it's only right to wish Dave a happy 30th Birthday, although I'm a few days late posting it here I'm sure he won't mind since it's not like I forgot or anything. He's had an array of cards from all corners of the country and well wishers from all of he blog buddies at 451 Press but not from so called friends a little closer to home, which leads me onto the next bit.

Something that's prompted me to think a hell of a lot about friendships and the like happened at work the other week, basically involving a supposed friend of mine taking liberties (so to speak) with our friendship. It's been going on for a while and I think last sunday was just the last straw so I cracked and put my job before my mate. Why would you punish someone who's your mate? You may well ask, but the way I see it is, if they're your mate then they wouldn't take the piss. So, that's lead me to analise the terms of friendship and from where I'm at it seems like the terms of our friendship involved me being a doormat to be walked over whenever it suits. I'm the kind of person that can give a lot and take a lot of shit but eventually I'll snap, irrevokably so. That's what happened and now, since terms & conditions applied to our friendship, as quickly as it came, it's over. Probably for the best really, and I don't even have to work with him again since he quit the other day. So... that, as they say, is that.

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Drama

2007-04-03T00:15:00.000+01:00

Yes, I know it's been a while since I've posted on my blog but that's just the way it is. I've felt like I've not had much time for this sort of thing in a while but I find myself with a few minutes while I'm waiting for dave to get out of the bath so I can go have a bath myself.

Dramatic day at work today yo say the least, with Kat's ex Shane paying us a visit just so he could kick one of our windows through because he was pissed off that kat wasn't answering his calls. I mean FFS get a life or a lobotomy you possessive psychopath, or is he a sociopath if he's stalking her? Whichever.

My neighbour is also turning into a maniac coming round my house at 5.30 in the morning with a 16lb hammer waving it in my face because the sound of me and Dave talking is just far too loud for him to sleep through. WTF? The only time he's complained about the noise was one night when Blur's Song 2 was being played quite loudly on SingStar at 3am and he defiantely couldn't sleep through that so he banged on the door and screamed at me... but a massive hammer? Come on, that's a bit excessive. He was Mr Fix It, now he's the new incarnation of HammerMan, after the random bloke who ut one of our windows out at work with a hammer. You're thinking we go through a lot of windows and you'd be right. Most of the dama happens to me and you'd think I'd get scared of dodgy sruff happening but I think I'm getting desensitised to it now.

...that's me que for the bath.

No Rest For The Wicked...

2007-02-14T20:25:00.000Z

... Or for those addicted to guitar hero. Monday night after I finished work me and Dave had Adz, Harriet, Pete and eventually Disley were back at mine for guitar hero. Quality night where we, the future arthritics, played our hearts out and suffered at the hands of Adz' smelly arse while he farted what he called "bird flu" farts. I only ever thought old men smelled like that.... gross. I tell you now that staying up all night is not for the faint hearted or for the old. I'm slowly learning to class myself as both of those! In the morning we sat in my work eating breakfast and playing some cheesy game called consequences where we each wrote a line that fitted into a plot line to make a funny little story... we did several and laughed hard but I guess you had to be there, be us and be very tired at that point. I'll type them up if I remember on.

Tuesday night we visited the Crown, some local pub in which the regulars don't seem to like non-regulars, especially ones that win their quiz and take a case of beer off them the first time they take part. I don't know if it's safe to go again or safe not to.

After all that I've managed to get myself ill again... a combo of oncoming flu and some sort of bladder infection that has me pissing blood. So, being valentines day today, Dave was meant to be making me dinner but since we're both feeling rubbish we've decided to put dinner off until we're feeling a bit more alive.

Blergh!

2007-01-12T20:01:00.000Z

Well, after having yet another day off work I'm still feeling delicate but atleast I don't feel like I'm on deaths door.
Today I've mostly been trying not to eat anything so it doen't upset my stomach. I've just had some toast so I reckon in about an hour I'll be in pain again. I've opened 2 ebay disputes today, one for the guy who sent my item to my house when I was away and not the place I asked him to send it, and the otherone to the twat who sent me a fake DVD that none of my machines will play, if I wanted a fake copy I'd download the bloody thing or buy a copy from the guy that touts in our local pub. I'm sure you all know the story already coz I've been moaning about it for a while now ;)

Anyway, I'm determined to go into work tomorrow even if it kills me. I'm on the open and it'll probably be busy so I can't afford to be ill... lets just hope my body agrees with me.
It's Inshas 25th birthday tomorrow and we're all going out into town, I say we're all going out, but I really don't feel up to it. I will anyway unless I feel really shit and if I feel like leaving early then I will, she'll huff at me but what can I do? I'm on a budget tomorrow and I've got to get her a prezzie with that n'all.

That'll about do for now, I reckon. See how I'm feeling' tomorrow eh.

In the Grand Scheme of Things

2007-01-10T17:53:00.000Z

I think I've got the worst luck with eBay, ever. I bought a dvd last week.. Xmen 3 and it arrived this morning. It was a fake. What a twat that guy is, needless to say I'll be getting some use of eBays disute console this week. Then there was the item that I got and asked to be sent to my mums that the guy sent here and my postman left lying outside somewhere for someone else to pick up. And a dvd I bought which turned out to be NTSC not PAL, but that was my own daft fault for not reading the small print. Anyway, the long and short of it is I've just nearly set fire to my kitchen whilst writing this. FFS. Mmm, gotta love that burned food smell.

If I tell you that I've not taken my Christmas tree down yet, you'll all say "Ah that's why you're having such bad luck" But it started before January 6th. I'm leaving it up because I'm having a second Christmas when Dave gets back, we didn't spend Christmas together so we've saved some presents and are having another Christmas. I swear I'll take the tree down the day after ;)

Oh that reminds me, those pictures I painted for my mum for christmas, that we hung up much to the displeasure of my stepdad because we only used picture hooks and didn't rwal plug the wall... I finally managed to get the pictures off my phone and onto my computers so here they are ... I'm well proud of them but they're nothing spectacular in the grand scheme of things.

I'm sure it'll look better up on the wall when mum gets that desk moved out and the bed put back where it should be... right under my pictures :D

Urgh!

2007-01-09T20:01:00.000Z

You know, I don't think I've felt so rought in my life! That's probably a lie but since I don't really remember exactly how I felt last time I was sick, this time sticks in my mind as being the worst. Since about 5 this morning I've been up and down with projectile vomiting and exlosive... you get the idea. The cause? Not a scooby but I don't like it one little bit. I'm eating my first bit of food for the whole day and I'm praying my body decides it likes it and wants to keep it rather that spewing it up. There's no one here to nurse me back to health and somehow that makes me feel ten times worse. How long do you have to suffer the symptoms of what could be food poisoning before you call the doctor? They'll be sick of the sight of me shortly. Mum reckons there's a tummy sickness going round which could be the case as I've not had any of the cramps and pains I'd associate with food poisoning. I'm not looking forward to ringing work to tell them I'm not fit to work either, Ian probably won't be very happy but hopefully given enough time, he'll be able to cover my shift no problem... cross your fingers, eh?

The other day I began the re-reading of Pullman's His Dark Materials series. They're a good set of books and well worth the read especially since they're making the film version as we speak, if a somewhat dampened down version, it's bound to be decent. It's probably going to be named after the American book title The Gold Compass (as everything else is) rather than our version Northern Lights and is due to come out at the end of the year... I can't wait!

Right, well I'm off to be ill someplace else :(

Ferrero Rocher for breakfast

2007-01-07T14:27:00.000Z

I've been asked a couple of times so far this year what my new years resolutions are... I've only given it scant thoughts so far and even though I tell everybody "nothing I haven't broken already" I've not really had a firm idea of what my resolutions are. Every year I think I need to loose weight, every year I think I need to get fit, and every year I say to myself go make something of your life... and this year, I've not really spoken out my inner resolutions because I feel like as soon as I give them words I'll feel like I've accomplished them already and stop, like every other year. Since I've had ferrero rocher for breakfast today I don't think the losing weight things is going to take off, not until I've put some pounds on finished off my christmas presents. Having paid of one of my numerous credit cards earlier this month I can safely say I'm making a bit of an impact on my debts, thanks to some money my mum gave me out of grans inheritance, so that's the first step taken on that road.

I guess rather than having new year resolutions I should just have some goals to be accomplished... so here goes:
I want my debts paid off by 2010 - long way ahead I know but I've got lots of them.
Publish my nanowrimo in 2007 - got a fair way to go with that.
Change my life style so I'm doing more exercise and not eating junk this year - after I've finished eating all my christmas chocolate ;)

That should do.

Now, what am I going to do with my day off, but forget about my resolutions and go do something else... playstation here we come! I'm tempted to go into Stockport to get an eggnog latte from Starbucks but I don't think I can be bothered... never mind, I've still got my ferrero rocher to keep me company :P

Ho Fucking Ho!

2006-12-30T01:31:00.000Z

Everybody hide! I'm back in the North West again after a couple of days spent with the folks up in geordieland. It was quite relaxing dispite the change in timetable for my body, but it's all back to normal now. Pokey damp flat, work and my retarded postman. Don't even start me on that wanker. I ordered something from ebay and asked the seller to send it to an alternate address because I knew I wouldn't be here to recieve it and I didn't trust the ostman to get it right. It didn't arrive at my mums when I was there so when I gets home I finds a crumpled filthy card from the postman. You'd think there's be some useful information on it wouldn't you? There wasn't. No date of delivery, time, or even who it was addressed to, no postman ID number just big scrawled letters saying "PACKAGE ROUND BACK". How fucking useless is that? I hope to god it's not what I ordered because when I went looking for it there was no sign. The knobhead better pray it was one of the other flats round the back or he'll recieve a festive kick in the balls for being a fucklump. Then there's ebay guy who obviously can't read instructions... moron. And if it was my package, there's someone upstairs with my item... eveil bastards, thieving twats. So now I'm nice and stressed again and I don't wana think about anything annoying at all, ever again.

I'm back at work tomorrow, joy of joys, it better not be busy or I think I'll cry.

Anyway, Christmas was good, I moan too much, I hate work, I hate crap postmen, I need a splif... goodnight X

Sweet Velvety Goodness

2006-12-23T18:13:00.000Z

Well, it's Christmas eve eve and I'm staring at a huge pile of mess that I've got to get tidied up before I go to my mums tomorrow. To me it doesn't feel like it's only a couple of days until Christmas, it didn't last year either. There's something about working right up until the very day that makes you feel like it's further off than it actually is. As it stands, I've done all my shoping, everything is sorted except a couple of things that I need to wrap but that can wait because they're for dave and we're having a second Christmas when he comes back in January, so there's plenty of time.

On the health front, I'm still not 100% certain what's going on but the tablets have stopped the worrying palpitations I've been getting. I've decided to try to cut caffeine out of my diet as much as possible and hopefully when I stop taking the tablets in a day or so there'll be no palps and it'll turn out that I've been very stressed and that's all. (Touch wood)
Dave is still feeling it a bit but he seems to be improving too. Maz said that she thinks we're both ill is because we miss eachother lol... you never know.

Last day of work tomorrow until nearer the new year. I've been on the open today, which is a change for me because I usually do the night shifts, I'm on the open tomorrow too. I was expecting it to be well busy today but it wasn't that bad, so tomorrow it'll probably be manic. As my usual sleep pattern has been well and truely thrown to pot I'm very tired right now and am finding it hard to keep my eyes open but I know I've got stuff to tidy, stuff to pack and whatnot... the fact that I can't have a coffe is a bit of a joke really but hey ho. Seaking of coffee, when in Stockport today with Rach looking for something that Wez (new manager at work - probably replacing Matt, who was new anyway) because he'd not got his girlfriends prezzie (Samsung E900 in pink, on Orange... it's really red but they say it's pink.) turns out you can only get it on O2 so it was a wasted trip, except for the fact there's a Starbucks in the big Borders store si forced Rach to go in so I could buy a scrumptiously divine eggnog latte, decaf obviously but I can forgive and forget about the decaf because they're just so gorgeous. You really have never lived until you've sipped the sweet velvety goodness of eggnog latte sprinkled with nutmeg mmmmmmmmmm.
I can't pine for my love any longer, the cup is cold and empty, and the fading taste of eggnog is but a memory and a whiser on my lips.

I'm off to transform myself into a domestic godess for an hour or so and I won't be back this side of Christmas so I'll bit you a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

The Downward Spiral

2006-12-19T00:14:00.000Z

I'm starting to think I've caught something. Since the other day I've been having some quite big and nasty heart palpitations. At first I thought I was over exerting myself because they came out of the blue as I was walking home from work. But they didn't stop when I got home, nor when I was asleep... they even woke me up. At work the next day I thought I was dying, having a heart attack or something but without the pain and I panicked. We all love panic attacks don't we so I ended up going home. NHS direct are great and after spending a few hours waiting for them to ring me back I got to go to the emergency clinic down the road and they listened to my heart (which didn't perform as symptoms never do when they're being watched) told me it was stress and anxiety and gave me some lovely beta blockers to stop the palpitations. They don't exactly stop them but dull them a fair bit so I can get on and do things like sleep without being disturbed by the random stop-starting in my chest. They're still noticable and when I was at work today I was crapping myself that I'd have an attack of them when it was busy so I been consciously trying to be lazy lol.

Seeing as Dave is feeling quite similar with a fluttering heart and tingling arms I'm starting to wonder if it's because we've both got a virus or because we've ben parted lol. I've got to make an appointment at the doctors to get my heart murmur seen to at some point so I'll mention it and see what he/she says.

I don't really feel stressed, infact I've felt far more stressed than I do now. I just want to feel better now and Dave too but maybe this what it feels like looking at the steep slos of teh downward spiral... I am nearly thrity after all.

When you just want beans

2006-12-15T22:53:00.000Z

I think I'm going to re-write Alanis Morissettes "Ironic" song , or at least a line or two of it. Instead of "It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife" I want it to say "It's like tins of spagetti when all you want is some beans". By this I mean I've just gone to my kitchen to make beans on toast and found that not only do I not have any beans but I have several tins of spagetti and I don't even like tinned spagetti. The culprit... you know who you are *SLAP!*

Now where do I start... Christmas. Shopping for Christmas gifts is a pain in the arse. I've bought tonnes of stuff but I don't actually feel like I've acomplished my Christmas shopping mission and should kep on until I'm happy with the stuff I've bought. Does this mean I'm officially a shop'a'holic? Am I destined to be buying things day in day out, stuck in my own little world where it's perpetually Christmas just so I can quench my shopping cravings? I bloodywell hope not, I think I'll go bald with stress.

Caught up with Jill after absolutely aaages, she's back at uni doing another degree. I sometimes think she's going to live the student life for the rest of hers but time will tell. She told me my ex (Paul not Si) is getting married next year. I remember having a dream about that a while back, pretty sure I blogged it but I can't be bothered to look through the archives for it... If I recall, in my dream, he had a daughter too but Jill says that's not hapened - yet. I'm glad he's moved on and happy that he's found someone, but in a way I'm at a loss that the forward movement is so complete. What did I think would happen? People don't just live in limbo all their lives. Anyway, that's next year in Guernsey and if I manage to find out the date I'll raise a glass, or if you're reading... I wish you both the best.

Moving on... Dave is back at his parents house for Christmas. He's been feeling pretty ill lately but as he found out today (as I said) most of what he's feeling is anxiety based. It started with a tingle in his back and was escalated by season 3's eisode 4 of Lost, where Jack finds out he's been captured to operate on one the "others" who has a spinal tumour. Dave heard the symtoms and that was that, he had anything but something simple. Bles him for worrying but there was more than one occasion where I wanted to slap some sense into him. If it ever turns out he was right (touch wood he's not) then I'm sorry. As it is at the moment I miss him quite a bit but it's not hit me as hard as it did last year probably because I know he's coming back.

Just a thought... where does the "touch wood" superstition come from? Answers on a postcard if you know or failing that there's google.

Something that has been stuck in my head for most of the day is a song called Mad World. Some of you remember the Tears for Fears version and probably think it's better but I'm liking the Gary Jules version from the soundtrack of Donnie Darko. I like it so much I've hunted down a video on Youtube.

C'est peut-être une catastrophe!!!

2006-12-04T13:01:00.000Z

This is not good. It's the day of work's Christmas party and I've just found out I have to work. It's not as bad as it sounds though because I only have to go in for a few hours. The night manager can't work for family reasons and teh store manager is having to work when we're all going out for a meal. I've got to go in for a couple of hours to cover him so he can go home and have a rest as he's been in work since 7am.

I've just been ironing the top I'm going to wear and my iron leaked, leaving lovely water stains all over my top so I've had to wash it and it's showing no signs of drying. The bloody thing seems to be like a sponge. Then I'm going to have to iron it again and hope my iron doesn't leak again... solve the problem but emptying your iron, I hear you say, and that would be a good plan except for the fact that if I do I might have a melted top rather than a water slodged one. Only time will tell.

So, I'm up a couple of hours before i was planning on being up, I'm tired and can't go back to bed because I have to work soon. I've got to get readu for tonight and when I get home I'm going to have little over an hour to sort myself out... does someone have a surplus of minor miracles? I think I need to lend one :(

The 12 Days of Christmas (NEW VERSION)

2006-12-02T13:45:00.000Z

While I remember on, let me put down on virtual paper the thoroughly awe inspiring words of The 12 Days of Karls Chlamidya Encrusted Christmas, which was adapted from The 12 days of Christmas.

On the first day of Christmas,
Karls girlfriend gave to him...
A really dirty S.T.D

On the second day of Christmas,
Karls girlfriend gave to him...
2 Genital warts
And a really dirty S.T.D

On the third day of Christmas,
Karls girlfriend gave to him...
3 Syphillis scabs
2 Genital warts
And a really dirty S.T.D

On the fourth day of Christmas,
Karls girlfriend gave to him...
4 Crawling crabs
3 Syphillis scabs
2 Genital warts
And a really dirty S.T.D

On the fifth day of Christmas,
Karls girlfriend gave to him...
Chla-mid-y-a
4 Crawling crabs
3 Syphillis scabs
2 Genital warts
And a really dirty S.T.D

On the sixth day of Christmas,
Karls girlfriend gave to him...
6 Lumps of Bell-cheese
Chla-mid-y-a
4 Crawling crabs
3 Syphillis scabs
2 Genital warts
And a really dirty S.T.D

On the seventh day of Christmas,
Karls girlfriend gave to him...
7 Oral herpes
6 Lumps of Bell-cheese
Chla-mid-y-a
4 Crawling crabs
3 Syphillis scabs
2 Genital warts
And a really dirty S.T.D

On the eighth day of Christmas,
Karls girlfriend gave to him...
8 Aids 'a' developing
7 Oral herpes
6 Lumps of Bell-cheese
Chla-mid-y-a
4 Crawling crabs
3 Syphillis scabs
2 Genital warts
And a really dirty S.T.D

On the ninth day of Christmas,
Karls girlfriend gave to him...
9 Doses of the clap
8 Aids 'a' developing
7 Oral herpes
6 Lumps of Bell-cheese
Chla-mid-y-a
4 Crawling crabs
3 Syphillis scabs
2 Genital warts
And a really dirty S.T.D

On the tenth day of Christmas,
Karls girlfriend gave to him...
10 Thr-ush itches
9 Doses of the clap
8 Aids 'a' developing
7 Oral herpes
6 Lumps of Bell-cheese
Chla-mid-y-a
4 Crawling crabs
3 Syphillis scabs
2 Genital warts
And a really dirty S.T.D

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
Karls girlfriend gave to him...
11 Types of Gonorrhea
10 Thr-ush itches
9 Doses of the clap
8 Aids 'a' developing
7 Oral herpes
6 Lumps of Bell-cheese
Chla-mid-y-a
4 Crawling crabs
3 Syphillis scabs
2 Genital warts
And a really dirty S.T.D

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
Karls girlfriend gave to him...
12 Hepatitis symptoms
11 Types of Gonorrhea
10 Thr-ush itches
9 Doses of the clap
8 Aids 'a' developing
7 Oral herpes
6 Lumps of Bell-cheese
Chla-mid-y-a
4 Crawling crabs
3 Syphillis scabs
2 Genital warts
And a really dirty S.T.D
And his ex was a di-rty bitch
And he's still got a na-sty itch

Sing a long at your liesure, I may even put the tune on here for you to sing along to, like Barney's sing a long special, only funnier and not so kid safe (if a big purple dragon can be called child safe... purple dragon is a euphemism for a penis in my book but maybe I've just got a dirty mind - oh well.)

Catch-up

2006-12-01T02:01:00.000Z

Well, as promised, I'm back again to fill you in on things that have happened when I was busy doing other stuff.

Work: never changes. Becky has gone to another store and Bilal has his corner shop (stereotypetastic mate!) Ian is as changeable as ever. Matt is off having a 6 week holiday in Australia, I've told him not to bring me anything back that's likely to bite me and/or kill me. Craig has just recently come back from a holiday in Las Vegas where he was line dancing and pulling a straight guy who he'll be visiting next year, brokeback Mountain style for a spot of hunting ;)
I've been slogging my guts out to make a bit of extra money for Christmas but the tax office have decided they're going to tax me over 25% of my pay and take £200 fucking quid off me, the cunts. If you're reading this... I hope you catch something horrible, like Karl when he caught Clamidya. Oh fucking hell, the reminds me (of how sad I am, yes but of how utterly funny this was) that I haven't mentioned this before now, basically what happened was... Karl from work who was going out with this girl managed to contract Chlamidya, he suposedly went for a random STI test after they split up and the clinic rang him at while he was working to deliver the news. FPMSL @ him when he's having his lunch with one of the guys at work and the call comes so he's in such shock that he sinks to his knees and says something like "You're joking, I've actually got Chlamidya." Poor guy, but what made it all worse was the fact the he later denied it and called us all liars for spreading nasty rumours. TWAT. So, that was a couple of months ago and we're still going on about it. There have been songs re-written for the lengendary funniness of this poor unfortunated blokes misfortune. Serves him right for calling us liars LOL. One day I may put the lyrics on here but right now I CBA.
I organised a spoof award ceremony called McOscars, which me and Adz did last year and i drew up some certificates for the winners of the voting for awards like: McMuppet, McShit Shoveller; McTramp; Crew Member OTY and a few others both good and bad. I had arranged to have it in teh G&D where Si used to work, as far as I knew he was back in Ireland but he wasn't and the whole bar staff refused to serve any of us even though most had ID and were too bloody old to get ID'd in the first place (admittedly some were too young but they were drinking coke when I got there so someone served them.) I was pretty miffed really, I didn't think he was that petty, guess I was wrong, so I'm trying not to get involved in any of it anymore... I just don't want to know, considder my hands washed of the matter. Anyway we went elsewhere and had a fab night until Daniell's BF Daryl (complete twat it has to be said - Imagine the swearing if he reads this :o - say you'll smash my face in all you like you jumped up little wanker, I'm not arsed coz at the end of the day you're a twat and will only succeed in making yourself look even more so) Anyway that concludes my work business what's it.

Home: Things here are flowing along quite smoothly though I think I'm in need of a holiday or some well deserved time on my own. Dave is going to his folks for Christmas so I'll have plenty of time to myself then. I'm both looking forward to it and dreading it a little but it'll be good for me because at the moment I'm feeling like everything rubs my nerves up the wrong way. I must be getting old.
At my other home (aka my mum's house) things are not too good, my mum is having bother still with my uncle who's being a knob over my grans death. Plus my mum isn't well at the mo, they're saying she had some cancerous cells in her cervix again and they want to cut them out... (the good news is it runs in the family and I'm next) plus I think they've told her she's got kidney stones too which are the most painful things ever, or so I've heard, I hope they don't run in the family too or I think I'll get out now while I still can LOL. My brother is being a twerp too from what mum has been saying.... something about football practice being too far away and with her being ill now she can't take him on the bus so he goes and tells her to "buy another car then." I'm going to give him a good slapping when I get home and it'll be the only thing he gets for Christmas. She's gone and bought him a Nintendo DS after replacing his PS2 only months ago, he's also sitting on a GBA and god only knows what else, I mean how many consoles do you need for fucks sake?
Mum wants me home for Christmas but I still don't know what's happening. It looks like I'll get some of the time off I want but not all of it.
I've painted her some lovely canvas art for Christmas, I'm quite proud of it and I hope she likes it but I can see it sitting up in the loft for the rest of it's life, cross your fingers eh.

I think I need my bed now so I'm calling it a day, I'm sure I'll remember something later and jot it down to put in here, but until then... Adios!

MeWriteVeryMuch... Just not on here.

2006-11-30T03:43:00.000Z

I'm so chuffed with myself right now it's shocking. I've just this last few minutes completed my first NaNoWriMo. With all the setbacks, like my computer breaking and me working a ridiculous amount of ours as work I've actually done it. (Check out my swanky picture <-------- it'll be over there somewhere sometime soon)

I've got more time for you, me lovely blog, now that I don't have to write 1700 words a day of a random story. I think I've become the queen of deus machina now too... you will bow to me :D

I'll pop back soon-ish with a gargantuan post depicting exactly what's gone on in my life for well over a month... I'm almost ashamed of my neglecting this place but it's not like my blog is a pet and the RCPCB are hiding in the hedge waiting to take it away.

Ciao X

MeNoWriteMuch

2006-10-09T01:31:00.000+01:00

It's been almost a month since I updated so I thought I'd spare a little time to fill you in on a few things that have been happening in my life... don't get so excited, it's pretty much the same old shit.

Work is getting really stressful right now... 2 of my co-managers are rocking the boat. One has boutgh his own corner shop (I'm trying not to follow the stereotype but it's hard) and is going down to 2 shifts a week, and the other is being moved to another store. So, we're two managers down and fast approaching Christmas... something tells me that not all of us are going to be granted our requests this year and seeing as the assistant manager already has his tickets to Australia booked that he'll be exempt. Plus, with Becky going to another store, someone seems to be getting lumped with her training stuff... yep, you guessed it, it's me! I'm not sure I want to do it either but so far I've taken the new trainee floor managers under my wing, even though some of them seem hell bent on pissing me and the rest of the management team off rapidly. I'm giving up some of my time off to hold revision clases for them as their mock exam is this month.

Home life is alright. I've got a cold now and am sleeping far more than I should be but I love my bed too much :D I don't like being stressed but there seems like there's more and more that gets me stressed these days.

It's all been kicking off on UTT again. I wish the trouble makers would get lives.

In other online news.... NaNoWriMo is starting again. Sign up's this month and the hardcore, high density writing starts next month. I'm giving it another go this year despite only getting about 15,000 out of 50,000 words done last year. I've possibly got less time on my hands than last year, yet I'm expecting more from myself. I've called it Paladin's Shield but I don't have a very firm idea of a plotline right now but I enjoy writing fantasy st0ries so that's the genre I'll be writing in. Maybe next year I'll try something else... maybe.

A week ago I went to see MAXÏMO PARK at Manchester Academy and they were fantastic. Maximo and the Futureheads are by far my favourite two bands to see live so far this decade. There was an oportunity to see The Feeling next month but the gig sold out unexpectedly and the tickets are too expensive on eBay, so screw that for a laugh.

Anyway... I'll be leaving it at that as my bed is calling me again.

Descent to Reality

2006-09-19T13:34:00.000+01:00

Well, that's that. I'm back at work tomorrow, and after haveing a couple of good days I'm not looking forward to starting back. It's always the case though isn't it? Got some new games and some clothes yesterday which was a bit stressful. It's not good when you find some stuff that you think is really nice only to put it on and find that you look like a sack of shit wearing it lol.

Sunday night was spent round Insha's having a spliff... there wasn't much on the go as her guy couldn't get her any more but it was a good chill-out playing ps2. Saturday was my birthday so I went out for a curry, which Dave paid for as part of my prezzie :) So, today is my last day to relax before I have to work again, and I have to do laundry :S Still can't complain, it's been a good few days.

Mum rang yesterday to have a bit of a grumble about my uncle David. He's been spreading lies about her saying that she was stealing money from my gran which is pretty much imposible as they weren't really on speaking terms. He's an arsehole and has fallen out with his best mate over this, who is a friend of the family. They're just waiting for probate to get themselves sorted now and it'll all be over with.

I need to sort out some stuff with Si soon. His stuff is still here and he's been saying that he wants some songs off the pc for ages and that he'll get a storage device for them but never manages to. He's meant to be moving back to Ireland but there's no sign of that yet so I don't know what's happening. I'm just getting on with my own thing and letting other people sort their own stuff out. I can't be doing with chasing people up for stuff that's nothing to do with me, effectively. It's just not what life is about....

Happy Birthday to me!

2006-09-16T15:33:00.000+01:00

Jebus, aren't I sad wishing myself happy birthday lol

I'm 28 now, and although I know I'm old I don't really feel that old... I guess having Dave about doing his funny faces and voices all the time kinda keeps me more childlike :D Thanks for everything.

I'm off work now until Wednesday so I'm going to make the most of it... Ciao

Cunts!

2006-08-29T00:38:00.000+01:00

Bunch of cunts!

I'm fucking sick of this shit.

Tomorrow afternoon I have to have an interview with security officer Mike because of an incident that happened at work on Saturday between Waj and Adeel. Basically... they had an argument and he smacked her about. I sent him home and her to the hospital because she was certain her arm was broken, which it wasn't and now she's pressing charges against him so they've both been suspended and Mike has been invloved. I guess I should have suspended them both but they fight so often if I did that they'd be suspended about 4 times a day.

What happens is... she says something and he doesn't like it so he threatens her and she keeps going so he goes for her, she tries to hit or kick him and he grabs her and shakes her about a bit until she cries and that's it. They're both as bad as eachother. They used to be boyfriend and girlfriend so the tension between them is palatable. Thay hate eachother and love eachother at the same time so they're always at eachother 24-7.

I'm pretty pissed off actually. The last time I had to speak to Mike about anything like this, one of my floor managers had reduced a girl to tears and then threatened me when I sent her home when she was so shook up she couldn't work. He'd accused me of provoking him, which was nice after he was in my face shouting and throwing things... I got suspended for a day or two while Mike looked into it. Needless to say, I did nothing wrong so was fine... and in this case I'm sure I'll be ok. The only thing I'm guilty of is not telling the Ops manager and not taking it gravely serious... what do they expect when I see them fighting all the time.

I'm so hacked off with them both that I'm not likely to speak to them for a while I don't think. I just hope that Waj knows what she's getting herself into... once she realises what all this involves she'll probably drop all the charges. At the end of the day, the only person who saw everything, except Waj and Adeel, is Taz and he's Adeel's mate (and is also keeping quiet). I hate seaking to Mike in situations like this because he cuts you to pieces and makes you feel like you're a smear of shit on someones shoe.

You know what? I'm tempted to hand in my notice or demote myself because I can't be arsed handling this bollox anymore. I'm not a fucking marriage consultant or one of the samaritans FFS I don't get paid to deal with people's personal shit. I've had enough of all the complaining, moaning customers who think they can just have a go at you because they've paid you for some cheap food that's going to make them fat and you're just standing there smiling at them saying sorry praying for a big globule of fat to enter their brain and kill them on the spot so you can sweep up the body and put it in the trash-masher and be done with it all. I've had enough of the staff that think they can just show up for whatever shifts they like, fuck their schedule because they've decided they can't work those shifts so they're going to work someone elses shifts instead or not at all. They always come to me saying they can't do this or they can't do that, they've got this or that event and can you sort it out for them? Well, no I fucking can't sort it out for you, you pleb-faced retard biscuit. Either work your shifts or get another job and stop bugging me with your trivial trifles, can't you see I'm having a crisis here?

Somoene hand me a knife so I can slit my wrists and save myself any more of this crap...

I don't really mean that, I've got a lot of things and people who are here for me and I love them all but you know when you sometimes think why do I bother?

And now I'm getting moaned at for not drinking ym drink quickly enough so I'm going to go now....

C'est la vie

2006-08-25T01:23:00.000+01:00

I'm having a weird few days at the moment... Dave is back now and that's good, I've missed him. Si seems to have a problem with the fact that he's back, that we're close and probably getting closer... What am I meant to say to him? I loved you, you hurt me and I'm never going to love or be with anyone else ever again for my whole life? Like I said earlier... it's all about rocks and hard places. I've just decided to live my life as I please, I'm perfectly entitled to do that... and that's that.

I managed to get the day off work today by doing all my jobs yesterday so it's been good to chill out on a day I thought I'd be slogging my guts out at work :) The new Ops manager is coming in tomorrow suposedly to have a chat with me (as I'm the only one he's not chatted to yet) whatever. If I said I'm not shitting myself I'd be lying.

Everything else is background music at the moment... I'm anticipating some shit kicking off in the online communities I'm involved with. I know what you're saying, it's not real life so who gives a shit, right? It's true, but seeing as I have a few friends that I mainly speak to online because they live so far away then I can't really ignore it can I? Needless to say it'll be sorted as it always has, eventually.

I'm kinda drunk at the moment so I'm going to toddle off and do ma thang ;)
Night....

Animosity International

2006-08-20T02:06:00.000+01:00

Well this entry is kinda belated from last night. I had another messenger episode with Si and by the time I decided I was going I didn't have the energy or the will to write anything about it. I think I'm between a rock and a hard place regarding that now... there's nothing I can do that'll be right for both of us. I shouldn't feel guilty because I've done nothing wrong, and what's made him feel bad is something I'm free to do should I chose to. We both treated eachother badly towards the end of our relationship... he hurt me badly by doing what he was doing with girls online and ppl he worked with, and I hurt him by neglecting him and keeping a friend about to save my sanity when he was doing all those things. We're equally to blame and I'm sorry if I ever hurt him but I did it to stop myself hurting, switching off my feelings for him and concentrating on facts.

So last night I was in tears when I thought I had no more tears to cry... I was wrong. I'd been moody most of the day pretty much and you know when you just feel like you need to sulk a bit? well I was in that sort of mood, which isn't good. I'd had enough of trying to placate Si and started fighting back. It was a case of so what if I hurt you, you hurt me too so lets just get on with it. That just made it worse really.

I'd like to be able to stay in touch with him but he says he thinks it's goodbye. Whatever happens I don't want any animosity. He said he thinks it'd be better if he was just a passing memory to me. I don't think it's that simple... after all I still think about Paul.

I actually tried saying hello to Paul the other day on messenger but he was either away or ignoring me. I had a strange dream the other night about him... he had a daughter. Very strange, so now I'm wondering if he's married with children now... whatever he's doing I hope he's happy.

I think people should just stay away from me, you know. I'm leaving behind me this trail of destruction where ever I go.

[SIGHS]

So now I'm waiting for Dave to come back. I've missed having him about, suvink cronic. I've got a few things I'll be saying when he gets back... but I'll leave it at that for now.

only one last thing remains... Oh Yes! You knew it was coming...

What? I'm not Free after all?

2006-08-17T00:36:00.000+01:00

Sorry in advance but I'm having a bit of a moanfest on here tonight... my head has been fucking pounding most of the day and I feel like someone ripped out my spine and replaces it with rusty barbed wire.

Danielle is back from her holidays, she text me last night so I guess she'll show up sooner or later.

I had a very strange eisode on messenger last night... Si showed up just as I was going for a bath and started talking to me, which was strange in itself because that's how we got to know eachother initially. The conversation basically went that he was going home to Ireland and it was because work was crap now and he'd been through my drawers when I'd let him stay the night and he didn't like what he found. So, he was saying that he hoped I was happy with whoever I found and that he was in shock about me and Dave. He said that he was going to ask me out for a drink until he found what he found and decided not to. he said he felt like a fool because he was going to ask for a reconciliation. He even said to Lindz that night "well that's that.." and said he was leaving and then buggered off. She had no clue what he was on about.

So now I feel like he's blaming me (or more me and Dave) for the fact that he feels he has no other option but to move home to Ireland. I feel bad that it worked out the way it did and I even told him I was sorry that it'd happened but I'm not prepared to go back again. I'm happy being the way I am now... free.

On to other news then...

PR's are due at work again now and because of recent evants I'm positive I'm going to get a crap payrise if I get one at all. I could tell by the way Ian and Becky were discussing pay rises this afternoon that I'm not getting one. Becky asked me about it and said we'd be on the same if we got the same PR grade and Ian just looked at her and said "Well..." Fucking takes the piss... I work my arse off and get moaned at for some bullshit that happened once. People do far worse in that place and nothing gets said... Anyway if I'm going to get punished I'm only going to do the bare minimum and no more, why should I work hard to do better when people only try to take you down. Over the past few months I've done no end of favours for the people in that place and you get no reward at all... well fuck you all I'm sick of you all. I always said that the only reason I stayed was because of the people and I pretty much hate them all right now. When Ian asks me if I think my PR was fair I'm going to tell him No I fucking don't... and blurt out everything that everyone else does that goes unnoticed by him.

Other than that there's bugger all going on here. I've just emailed Clelbdaq about GBO's Top Trader disqualification... they disqualified him because he had 2 accounts contending for the top spot. Everyone else is mailing them so I've thrown in my 2 pennith worth as well.

I should be starting a countdown to Dave coming back... in fact...

I hope that works :S

Anyway I'm off to bed now... sweet dreams X

Yadda Yadda Yadda

2006-08-13T01:52:00.000+01:00

I think my soul is tired. You know when you're always fatigued even though you sleep enough and you eat well enough and you're not over exerting yourself yet you always feel drained and exhausted? Well that's pretty much me at the moment. I just wana have a flashing sign on my head that scrolls "I haven't got the energy so just don't bother me, ok" 24-7.

Work's been shite again, I'm sick of people stabbing me in the back, and I know the last time it happened I said I'd put an end to it but I'm too nice to people for my own good. Well now I'm pissed off so it's the last time I lie down and get shat on, it's fight back time and all the shit stirrers are going to get it in the neck, I've got plans for them all. Fair enough I let people get away with a lot and it seems like it gets me nowhere so that's stopping. I like the way I get bolloked for things I do on my time (ie break time) too... the people who do fuck all and watch soaps in the staff room half the night don't get any comeback so that'll change. I'm so fucked off I was going to quit... this shit is the reason I left my other store, everyone is so bitchy but won't say anything to your face about it so they go behiond your back. I tell you what, they can all fuck off. After that mini rant I have to say that work tonight was ok. We had a visit today but they were gone when I got in. Had a CSR and got 96% so I'm happy with that, it's better than Becky's 80% Gap (the reason we're having CSR's in the first place - dumbass bitch) she's so far up her own arse I'm shocked she can see where she's going half the time.

I've started playing Celebdaq again but I can never remember to trade my account so that should do really well . I guess I'm just bored here on my own. It's been about 3 weeks since Dave went home, he's worked for his old boss, seen his dad in and out of hospital and spent time with his folks and what not but I miss him and hope he comes back soon. He'll procrastinate of course, he is still himself after all, once he's settled somewhere he's hard to shift until the last moment when it's almost too late... then he decides.

I erringly sent Danielle a text tonight that wasn't meant for her so she'll have fun grilling me about that when she gets back from her holidays sometime this week.

Everything else is by the by really. Oh, guess who showed up on my doorstep at some silly time on Thursday morning... only Si. Poor bloke had been locked out of the guys house he's staying with and needed someplace to crash. I wasn't going to say no, I'm too prone to guilt for that I think. It was very strange having him back here to say the least. We talked a bit and even laughed about some stuff. I feel bad that he's still got nowhere permenant to stay but that's not my fault is it? He's had 2 months to sort someplace out but he's the procrastination king or should I say king lazy when it comes to doing things like that. I had Adz asking me if I let him back in my bed, for which I nearly smacked him one... what do you people take me for? I'm not that much of a doormat... that's Danielle not me ;)

I've finished all the books in the Narnia series now and am trying to get Da Vinci Code finished quickly. I'm putting off finishing Prince of Persia - The Two Thrones because I'm at that point where it could all go horribly wrong. I've pretty much got one section left before the final battle and if I don't get through it with enough health and sand then I'll be screwed just like Ian (my boss) is. I've got a couple of saved games as backup incase I fuck it up but even so I don't like finishing games.

Anyway, I think that's enough for now... my eyes are getting gritty and I'm craving my bed, I just wish it wasn't so cold and empty.

Sweet release

2006-08-05T01:51:00.000+01:00

It's been a strange few days what with some little ballbags coming into work threatening to egg me because I threw them out to someone from my recent internet past being resurected for whatever ends.

Well starting with work... Little scroats who I keep refusing to serve and throwning out got cocky yesterday and refused to go. I decided it was a good idea to make an example of one of them so grabs the nearest one, slams him into the door and pushes him through it into the porch and outside... his mum's going to come and slap me, or so he says. I'll look forward to laughing at her for having ginger moron tearaway kids. The won't come in the store now, and settle for riding their bikes round the place like it's under siege, until bed time that is.
Waj and Adeel were fighting again tonight, over her boyfriend again but this time he'd asked to speak to one of the guys at work and threatened him with god knows what... neither him nor Adeel were happy and Waj is pissing me off so much I wana throw her infront of a bus.

You know what, I don't know wether it's PMT or if I'm getting crabby in my old age but I've started wishing that people would just die and rid the world of their stupidity and make me happy in the process by fucking off out of existence for good. The list grows daily. The other Day Viles and Nicola were on top of it, then Becky went on it for fucking me off so serverely at work over something that I'm entitled to have an opinion about... there's a car crash headed her way. Those ballbag kids I don't want to die but I think they should be hurt severely and stopped from procreating for ever. Now we have MM... once a friend now on my deathwish list just for showing up on MSN groups again for no reason what so ever except to have her strings pulled by Viles and smarm over everything. I used to like her, now I'm tired and wiser. Somene I spoke to tonight voiced something I'd been thinking... I wonder if her hubby's left her. The history goes way back but I'm sure some if it's covered in this blog... maybe I was less moany back then.

I'm bored out of my mind.... Someone Help me! Saaaaaaaave meeeeeeeeee! I've decimated Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, in about 10 hours, read all but 10 pages of Chronicles of Narnia 6: The Silver Chair, at bed time the last 2 nights... I've done a million and one things on UTT last week and have slept as much as humanly possible every day to make the days pass quicker. It's times like these you realise what you're missing and this is doung my nut in. I don't care what people think now, I may be losing my marbles.

2 more shifts and I've got 2 days off to sleep through. My mum rang me the other day when I was still in bed, I told her to go away basically (which wasn't nice of me but she was laughing...) I really should ring her back at some point. Bless her she's just wants the contact and I just want to sulk and sleep is such a sweet release.

Well, I'm off to bed to finish my book and get some shut eye before the buiders arrive next door and start dropping poles and all kinds of crap on the ground outseide my window... one of them has a nasty habit of leaning against the van they park outside my window and singing along to the radio... I'm going to wake up from a dream where I've ripped his throat out to find there's blood on my hands and a head rolling around in my hallway! Sweet dreams ;)

Inclination for Speculation

2006-07-26T01:32:00.000+01:00

Bless me father for I have sinned, it's been 3 weeks since my last confession. You know I'm only kidding right? I worry about you lot I really do. Quite a lot has happened since I last wrote in here, yet it seems like the same old shit so it may not seem like much but here goes anyway...

We seem to be in the middle of a heat wave here in nor-west England, it's too fucking hot I can tell you. I think I'm up to drinking 3 litres of water daily just to cope with all the sweating I end up doing at work. Saying that, I'm thankful because although it's hot at work being in the kitchen it'd be even hotter outside... it'll rain tomorrow just you watch. So work is pretty much the same boring, annoying thing it always was but now we have the Gyppo's back in town so chain up or nail down anything of value or they'll have it away.

Parental home life is alright, my mum is starting to calm down a bit after all the crap with my uncle and my grans estate... the solicitor is doing his job, slowly, but at least he's doing it. My mum, step dad and brother are going on holiday to Wales in about 2 weeks or so, that'll do them all good... shame I can't afford a holiday, PAH!

Home life is alright ish, tonight is the first night in aaages I've actually been on my own in the flat. Dave's gone home for a couple of weeks to do some work with his old boss and see his family. I miss him.

Danielle pissed me off today, I thought she'd been reading my messages and went in a massive strop but it was a bit of a misunderstanding... she was asking me about SEX (not text :) and wether me and Dave had done it yet. NO COMMENT!

She's not the only one been pointing the finger lately either and this brings me to the ranty part of my entry. You may remember a while back I said I was an AM of an MSN group, or you may not remember but it's all way back in my blog. Well, a while back me and one of my co-AM's had a bit of a barney about some petty crap, someone posted some pictures of Princess Diana being pulled from the wreckage of the car crash in Paris and a few people complained... Our fight was that he didn't want to censor things like that and I thought we should so he quit and is now rather bitter about the whole thing. He's not liked me since, which isn't a big problem (he likes to have his little snipes at me and the people I get on well with) untill people I thought were friends start coming out of the woodwork saying some nasty things.

I'm not completely innocent, I've said and done some nasty things in the past but the point of them being in the past is that they stay in the past. When Nicola and Giles were my friends we used to get up to a hell of a lot of mischeif, just as them and their new clique are, thankfully I'm not into that anymore though I still have my vindictive side ;) So when I get ambushed in our chat room and berrated about stuff the other managers and myself are doing with the group, Nicola comes up with "You're shagging Dave." "So the fact that you're shagging Dave has nothing to do with it?" and "Dave was a nice guy until you started shagging him" I mean absolutely piss myself laughing. I'd just like to say the reason she thought we're shagging eachother is because we've shared the same IP address for a few months... Well he has been staying here luv but my private life, whatever that may be, is mine and no one elses. Plus, I'm single and can shag about if I like. She can't exactly talk... when she was talking to me about fucking some guy she fancied from a group she was a member of but he wouldn't do someone unless they were single, she was faced with such a dilema. Dump the boyfriend she had and chance being with the new guy or curb your enthusiasm, so to speak... needless to say she's got a new fella. Wonder if her old fella really knows what went on in her head when she told him you don't pay me enough attention... I wonder. Anyway rant over, nothing that's not real life is worth getting pissed off over. I'm like M C Hammer but without the horrid pants... Can't touch this.

Doomed if you do and doomed if you don't

2006-07-05T13:20:00.000+01:00

I've only just realised that I've had this blog for over a year now... and with circa 150 posts it's not exactly the massive thing that I thought it would be but it's cataloged some of the biggest stuff my life has had to offer so far albeit the sort of stuff you want to avoid if at all possible. I wish I'd had this blog when I split up with paul and started going out with Si... for the record I regret many aspects of that not the least that I wasn't there for Paul when his Dad died. I'd heard he'd found a new girlfriend and I'm pleased that what I did didn't ruin him... I'm probebly being a bit arrogant thinking that anything I do could do that to someone but knowing my luck [shrugs shoulders] and I don't think I could have lived with myself after that.

Life's too short to harber grudges, or so I keep being told, but it's kind of hard not to get riled up with people when they're being dicks. Uncle David is being a bit of a twat about Grans will, we all know she has one and because she collected state benefits she was onty allowed so much in savings so she stupidly kept the rest lying around her house. David's been to clear the house out and hasn't mentioned to anyone what he's taken... Basically what she left should be split between her 3 children, David, my mum and black sheep Peter but Peter has kind of been cast out and my mum was forced to a distance by Gran herself with her bitching and playing people off against eachother when she wanted something. So I think the gist is that he's told my mum that Gran said to my cousin ('s best friends dog walkers step-uncle twice removed) that if anything happened to her that everything had to go to him and his sister and a man who's a really close friend of the family and expect mum to help him try to scrap the will so Peter won't get anything. So lets get this right, everything goes to his kids and his mate... I don't think so Tim. I'm not wanting to fall out with anyone but I'm not going to sit back and let him rob my mum of something that's rightfully hers. My mum says she'll give whatever to me because I need it more but it's not mine to have so I don't know, what do you do?

I've got 2 days off work now to ponder the intricacies of life and sort out some flower arrangemets with my mum even though gran didn't approve of cut flowers, she'd rather see them growing than dying in a vase... never easy to please, even in death. You're doomed if you do and doomed if you don't.

Lightning Strikes

2006-07-03T01:55:00.000+01:00

All in all it's been a strange day, starting from the moment I woke up right to the moment I got home. The rule of three has come to pass now, so that's how I started my day this morning with a phone call from my mum saying granny grumps had died last night. She'd been in hospital since I was home for my brothers birthday and she'd been on a ventilator until the other day when they put her back in the high dependancy ward and last night she'd suffered some internal bleeding. They couldn't get any blood into her because her veins kept colapsing and when she died they couldn't bring her back. So that's what hapened in a nut shell... Gran, my dad and uncle Les being my rule of 3 victims so to speak... god isn't 2006 the great year I predicted.

After the bad news I was a bit touch and go, I don't really think I've accepted it yet. She was one of these people that when you think they're done for they've got something left in them, so when I think of her I still see her in the hospital bed not in a body bag. I decided to go to work because even though you think the world should stop still for these things the bills still need paying and all that bumph. There's arrangements to be nade but being miles away I can't do anything except go for the funeral, which I will, even if I can't afford the time off... it's the least I can do to support my mum and uncle and I feel like I should be there one last time.

So at work it was the most unbearably hot day, humid and the air was still... I thought I was going to cry it was so stuffy. Then the most spectacular storm kicks off with what seems like 3 centres all throwing out fork and sheet lightning, massive thunder cracks and torrential rain like I've never seen. So much rain fell in the space of half an hour that our roof started letting it in and the store filled with water pissing through the ceiling tiles. Kitchen, staff room, stockroom and in between all 3 inches deep in water and it's still flooding in. Customers moaning that they wanted food when I had to turn all the power off incase we all got electrocuted... what a bunch of plebs. Some people really need to get their priorities in order. We were all sitting waiting for the rain to stop so we could clean up and I could test the power and turn the store back on and there's people out walking in the torrents, walking up to the doors and wondering why we were shut... Nuff said.

There seems to be someone out there throwing me a lot of curve balls, but rather than getting all wrapped up in dispair I'm starting to care less and less now I think. I've accepted that there's bugger all I can do so why bother? There's only so much of this I can take, however, and I've got a one way ticket on a train to nervous breakdown town calling at prozac and bedlam. Right now I feel numb, numb from all the recent shit with Si and stress at work to people dying and the prospect that I'm going to have to move home. It's all bollox I really don't want to deal with right now and I want someone to take it all away, please. I don't really mean that, I wouldn't have anyone I care about dealing with this in my place.

Funny Phonecalls

2006-06-27T13:19:00.000+01:00

They're back!

It's been 7 days since I came home to find Si'd totally pissed on my megre trust in him and 6 nights without him here... it's nice not having to think about what shit I'm going to have to deal with next. The funny phonecalls are back though... phone rings until either me or Dave picks up, they hang up as though they're after someone else but don't want to talk to us, number withheld. Until this morning... first call I answered, they hung up and I did 1471 as you do to check to see if it's someone you know and the number came up so I went to get a pen to write it down. But before I came back to do 1471 again the phone rang again, I answered, they hung up number withheld this time... they'd obviously thought Oh Shit and rang back to try to clear the previous 1471. I'm inclined to believe it's someone for Si and my suspicions are that it's some girl from the internet... I vaguely remember the number and it's a Manchester number so I'm going to do a bit of research and maybe make a complaint to BT. I had several months of these phone calls, the same every time. I'll be looking to see if this number shows up on my BT bill this month incase Si's been ringing it and it is who I think it is.

Si came round again yesterday to pick up some more of his stuff but he really is taking it in dribs and drabs... I'll be ready to move out of this place before he gets all his stuff out at this rate. You know when you just want it to come to an end and be done with? Yeah, I'd like that but it seems the fates have other ideas.

shortmocha_16@hotmail.com

2006-06-22T00:29:00.000+01:00

Where do I start? At the beginning would be a good place, but when is it ever that simple? Never, that's a fact. This week has been frustrating, furious, tear worthy and strange beyond belief, but at the same time it's a relief.

I'll start where I left off in my last entry about my dad... he died on May 22nd (still don't know what of) was buried ontop of his mum and dad's graves on June 6th. I went to see the grave on Fathers day, no headstone of his own or anything to mark he was there except a mound of earth covered with wilting flowers. I didn't think it would affect me so much because of the length of time it's been since I saw him last but regret is a strange thing, it pop's up when you least expect it. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret not seeing him but I do regret that things weren't different from the start, maybe if he'd have been a different person my mum would have stayed with him... maybe not. I think if I manage to get my debts sorted I may just save up for a little marble flower pot with his name on it to put next to the grave.

They say things like these come in 3's so what happens but Granny Grumps gets taken into hospital on friday morning, blue as the sea and just as cold. She's another one who I've not spoken to for a few years, mainly because she's manipulative and twisted... she's a nasty piece of work and there's pretty much nothing worth making yourself miserable listening to her telling you she wished she'd had your mum aborted when she had the chance... Enough said. What with uncle Les taking the trip the other month, my dad the other week I thought the triplet would be complete but she's hanging on. You never know I might starte regretting not talking to her and go see her but I bet she won't want to see me, she's stubborn like that.

Things between me and Si are finally over, we've been split up for a good few months now though we weren't really telling everyone about it. He's been slagging me off to all his mates saying I'm a tyrant and I'm fleacing him out of money etc, nice of him really when it's him that owes me 4 grand. Being my brothers birthday at the weekend I'd arranged to go home to my mums for a family meal, plus to visit my dad's grave... My mum invited Dave up for a bit of a break which was nice of her and I was glad of his company. I found a conversation Si had had on messenger with some 17 yr old girl who he was inviting round to the flat the night I was meant to go away. He badgered me and bugged me to take Dave with me so he wasn't in the flat and I told him I didn't want him to have guests in the flat whiole I was away as the place is full of my stuff and I sisn't want it smashed if he had a party or whatever. He'd been telling this girl he wanted to do this and that with her so I went mad and told him if I found out he'd had anyone over, let alone having some lass round to shag her in my flat, I'd kick him out immediately. Having told him a few days before that I wanted him out as soon as posible I'd have thought he'd get the message. I get home on Tuesday to find a tidy house where the sheets have been changed and the bins taken out... this man never does anything of the sort, so I'm naturally suspicious and I root through the bin. Guess what I found... only 2 condoms well and truely used one stained with blood. Now put 17-yr old girl together with empty flat, clean sheets and 2 condoms 1 nicely streaked with pink and you tell me that he didn't take some poor girls virginity in my bed (Shanice from Xaverian College in Manchester... if you're reading... I know ALL about it!) NICE. Suffice to say I packed his bags right away and took his head off with shouting screaming when he got home from work only to be lied to from the start when he was denying all knowledge. Later he told me he'd had a different male mate round every night so he could prove it wasn't him but he thought one of his mates might have shagged someone after he gave him the keys to my flat so he could go there. I don't know what to believe from a man who's not told the truth to me for as long as I can remember... would you believe him? I kicked him out anyway... he picked up some of his stuff today and that's the relief.

Anyway, now I'm faced with paying our debts and my own off on my own and all the bills so I can still live here... I'll tell you now it's more than I earn. The only thing stopping me from moving home is Dave, if he gets a job up here then I can stay. It's all up in the air again so we'll just see what happens.

Watch this space... I wouldn't recommend staring though, your eyes'll go square or something ;)

The story so far

2006-06-05T18:27:00.002+01:00

Oh god, someone take my head off my shoulders... it's killing me today. I'm praying it's not a pending migraine. I think I'm just feeling sorry for myself at the moment, this week has been one big moanfest for me... not something I'm proud of but you know when nothing pleases you and you want everything you can't have? Well that's what I'm talking about.

Friday's Futureheads gig was amazing, I couldn't have asked for a better show... except they didn't play Robot, but you can't please everyone all at once. Hounds of Love made the crowd go wild and some random bloke kept shouting for them to play Piece of Crap but it's wasn't on the set list so tough shit really lol. I'd love to go see them again sometime soon before their style changes too much and they lose their edge.

Work has been just a place I want to walk out of every day this week, but despite that I agreed to go in at 6 this morning to help Ian out for a few hours. Now I'm off until Wednesday afternoon but I can't see me doing much with my time really. I've been put back in charge of charity money again now that Rita has been transfered to Chadderton (nice place, shame about the beer - or I could be lying) so I've been wracking my brain to think of some way to make money that's not the normal collecting and sponsored walk or whatever. So the idea comes to me from an MSN group I'm a manager of and a game that we've been playing for a while... the 3 word story game. You write 3 words that follow on from the previous 3, they don't even have to follow on that wee just make a bit of sense that's all, eventually the story gets quite big and I'm planning to have it published and whatever proffits will go to the RMCC charity. I hope it works well enough and doesn't end up being a flop.

So as I remember it from when I left this morning, the story goes as follows: One day in Linford Christies jockstrap, Betty Boo came to say "Hello!" She sat down to eat her pube soup and Linfords rather large hairy lemon. She spilled the soup on some baggy shorts and shouted "ooh Betty!" Linford came running with the runs and sweapt Betty Boo with a dildo up her favourite cat spike. Meanwhile in the Batcave, Waj and Adeel were at it like rabbits shouting "Evening News!" with ketchup on top. The entered Heaven and were reborn with hairy feet.... The story continues lol. So if you like it so far make sure you pick up a copy when it's done ;)

The End of the Road

2006-05-26T01:11:00.000+01:00

To say it's been a while is somewhat an underexageration. And of all the things that have happened over the past month, there are a the odd thing that just has my head up my arse.

Work isn't great at the moment and I just feel like my blood is boiling when I'm there, some people are just getting on my nerves and although I'd like ti kill them about the only thing I can do is give them warnings and boot them off my shift. Rita has left to go to another store and her replacement is here, he seems like a nice guy but once his honeymoon period is over, so to speak, who know's what kind of monster he'll be. I think I'm getting to the poitn I was at at my old store where I just didn't want to be there but rather than go get another job which I can't be arsed to do I'll just potter on until I'm forced to make a move... who knows what lies ahead.

3 days a week we have this special needs guy called Daniel working with us. He just does about 4 hours as part of this agreement with the job centre, they pay him something like £90 a fortnight just to come and bug us. He's a nice enough guy but he scares me, I guess because I don't know how to deal with him as he's very TIMMY! Adz calls him SENed (as in special education needs, education) Which, although funny to me as my brother is a sened, may offend others of a pathetic disposition (sorry Dave it's just the way I see it), if you can't laugh in life then you're very sad and will cry all the way through. Yes I may end up being mentally challenged at some point in my life but if that time comes I'll laugh all the same, it's one of lifes quirks. This brings me to a light spot in my week when I found a book on our dinging area, I swear it's a coincidense...

I'm trying to keep an emotional distance from the crap going on at home. Si still owes me money and his repayment technique is decidedly asymptotive, which is frustrating. It's over between us now, although not official, it's a relationship based purely on financial grounds... he can't afford to move out and I can't afford to pay the rent and all the bills, as well as all my (and mine and Si's joint debts) on my own... so there we have it. We still sleep in the same bed, don't show any affection towards eachother at all (I think that makes it easier to handle), we barely talk and I'm only just civil to him as long as he doesn't leave hoards of mess all over the flat (which he does), buys his own food and doesn't decimate the stuff I buy for myself. I can imagine it's hard for him to have someone else here, in the form of Dave, but he's the only thing keeping me sane at the moment so I'm not going to give that up so long as he wants to be here.

Danielle is in the throes of a dying relationship again as of tonight. I'm not going to speculate the outcome, it's really down to her but I hope she sees sense. I'm not really in the mood for being a crutch for other people at the moment, bringing me to the reason my heads up my arse... so here it is for the people who've been asking me all day for the gossip I've been keeping to myself. My Dad died.

I'm not really sure how to feel about it because I've not seen him in a very long time, due to the way my mum and me left him, but saying that... I think it's affecting me more that I'd have thought originally. I'm not taking any time off work for it and I don't even know when the funeral is or if I will go but it's there, nevertheless, in the front of my mind. And the way we found out was from a friend of a family friend who saw him get bundled into the back of an ambulance and just thought we should know. I don't know how he died (mum reckons heart attack) or if he had another family. Did he have anyone close to him who loved him or was it the bottle he held dear that saw him silently into the grave? The police were looking for relatives to come forward but I know my mum doesn't want to be lumped with the funeral costs and I can't afford it right now. I know it sounds so shitty, and I do feel guilty but all I think about is how I might not have been here if one night he'd have been a little bit more sober and managed to get me under the water. I've been asked if there were any good memories... and there were, but what do you remember most? I wont cry for my loss because it's not something I really had but I might cry for him... if he died alone.

What's it saying, precious?

2006-04-23T16:58:00.000+01:00

Why is it that the weather always turns when you get off work early? You sit there all day looking out the window thinking how nice it looks and what you wouldn't give to be out there right now... then when you get your wish and you get home the sun's gone in and the temperature is dropping fast, you know that rain is coming and you know it'll last until you're working again. It's just one big tease, like life, one temptation after another... and we're just serial sinners, selling our souls day after day for chance to do it again. The credit on our soul cards is close to the limit and the river of crediters is running dry, so who's going ti bail you out when they bleed you dry? Replace souls with money and you get the affliction of the modern generation, in debt up to our eyeballs with a steep slipery slope being the only way out of the rather large hole you've dug for yourself, I can tell you it's not a nice place to be.

I started writing today with the intent of telling you I'd bought my mum a new hair dryer for her birthday, and to say how I'm looking forward to my next 2 days off but that little beauty just slipped right out throught my fingers.

I'm off to the shop now, to buy healthy things... well I'll do my best to buy healthy things but when shops sell things like the new cadbury creme egg bar (far nicer than the creme egg purely due to the bigger choc to fondant ratio) what am I expected to do ;)

The Price Of Gas (keeps on rising)

2006-04-20T11:03:00.000+01:00

It's a good job I checked my shifts yesterday, I thought I was on the close but apparently I'm on a 12-6... Bargain! I'd have shown up for work over 2 hours late otherwise lol. It's still going to feel like a long day and no doubt I'll get asked to stay on for a bit given that Danielle was probably meant to be on the close but due to her pending suspension (which is, in effect, what they've already done to her by telling her she can't work until she's had an interview from Ian) she's been taken off all of her shifts for the week so if she was meant to be on tonight whoever's shift it is will be short... so the rest of us have to pull up the slack, lovely.

The gas bill has just shown up, and at £150 I'm starting to get pissed off with all the price rises (reminds me of a song by Bloc Party)... no game delivered though, both me and Dave are waiting for one to be delivered each. No Dave either by the looks of it, can't say I didn't expect it. I shouldn't feel so down about it really, at least he's having fun at home rather than being here having to put up with me moaning and Si being a slob... I know where I'd rather be if I were him, I know it's nothing personal.

The weekend is going to drag like nothing on earth, I just know it... it's not even Friday yet and I want it over with already. The hamsters running the time mills over in time central are putting on their lead overcoats in preparation for the occasion and I'm not defeatist at all. Can I have the day off please so I can go back to bed?

Bright Faced Assassin of Sorrow

2006-04-19T17:11:00.000+01:00

What did I tell you... it's a sunny day today. I've been as far as the post office and was tempted to go for a walk but I've still got the headache I had last night... painkillers and sleep have done nothing for me at all.

I've run out of things to do now so here I am again at my pc writing away to my hearts content. Danielle wanted to know if I want to go swimming today and I think I'd like to so I'll see if she can lend some money off her scummy boyfriend. Speaking of him , he's probably lost her her job by kicking off with Becky last night, so Danielle has received a warning and possibly will get a suspension because he's a knob head.

The KFC next door to us got robbed last night too, and the next nearest McD's... our local Sainsbury's garage got done on monday so I'm wondering when it'll be our turn, I hope it's not my shift when it happens (touch wood) but now I've just said that you know it'll happen.

No word from Dave so far today, I think I'll just leave him to it... he'll be catching up with his family after the War of the Worlds gig last night at the Albert Hall. He did say that it was amazing and that he was glad he decided to go, albeit very late, i.e. booking the train 6 hours before it was due to leave. It would have been nice to do the picnik thing today but as far as things go I'd rather him be happy doing something he wanted to do badly.

I'm going to tidy up Si's mess today, it's taken him a day for the mess to spread out of his little corner half way across the floor and for the kitchen to be messed up... some things just never change.

Can't be arsed

2006-04-18T22:20:00.000+01:00

I feel like I've busied myself a lot today but I've not really done anything at all. Having not slept much last night I'm shattered and want to go to bed but it feels like a waste of the night. Infact the whole day feels like a waste and tomorrow is on the cards to be taken out with the rubbish before it's even begun. Before I know it I'll be back at work and praying for a day off again.

It's been wierd being in with just Si today, the fact that we don't really talk much anymore isn't a good sign but having already pretty much decided there's not a whole lot that can be done for us now it shouldn't come as such a surprise. I always thought that you were only lonley when you were alone but now I know you can feel more alone when you're with company. Tomorrow is mine to do with as I will but I feel like just sleeping throught it to get it over and done with, I don't really want to do anything at all, but I don't want to do nothing... wits end springs to mind.

I was going to play more FFX tonight, I've been neglecting that too, but Si's taken over the TV so that's ut an end to that already. Bought me a copy of Prince of Persia - Two Thrones for a mere £8 inc postage from ebay... I'm happy, seeing as it's quite a new game. Now all I have to do is stop myself from getting ebay fever and buying loads of stuff that'll only fail in making my life significant.

Anyway... I think I'll hit the hay now and see if I can't get rid of this headache.

Sorry, everything's cancelled on account of rain

2006-04-18T06:50:00.000+01:00

So it seems I've been neglecting this place again, the posts that were coming thick and fast are now all but dried up. But there's always something going on that either upsets you or gets you emotional enough to have a bit of a rant about nothing in particular, then when you read it back you think what the fuck was all that about? so today is one of those days.

I've actually got a day off today not that I'm doing anything with it except seeing Dave off to the station as he travels homeward. Appart from that I think I'll stay in bed, so not much going on here. Tomorrow I can do what I like with as Si is at work all day, I think I've forgotten what it's like to have so much time to myself and it's not a good feeling at all... I may even volunteer to work just to keep me occupied but I doubt I'll get that desperate. I bet it'll even be a nice day today just to spite me when I'm now not in the mood for doing anything except catching up on a bit of final fantasy... and maybe spending a bit of money on ebay ;) I was thinking of BBQ's or picniks but that's now rain checked so who knows.

I managed to get a full shift of bank holiday pay in yesterday, which'll be good for my next paypacket... unlike this one which is starting to look like old mother hubbard's cupboard to say the least.

I'm sure this isn't what you were expecting given that everytime I post here there's some drama or crisis going on, sorry to disappoint but it's just a mild case of lonelyitis... This time next week one of my legs will have probably fallen off or the long lost sister I never knew I had has come looking for me to donate her a kidney or something, you know how it is.

A Single Tear

2006-04-06T01:45:00.000+01:00

And just whe you thought you couldn't cry anymore... here they are. I don't even know why I'm writing in here again because it's all old shit just in a new day.

I haven't had the best of days today, training some mong of a sift manager from Regent Street in London... Nice busy store you think, the guy should be able to cop in Kitchen with just 1 crew member on a Wednesday night, which are notoriously quiet - but alas you are mistaken. I'm sure everyone will join me in saying the guy was P.A.N.T.Z with a capital crap. Having this guy about means that all the shift runner shifts will be cut down dispite Ian promising otherwise. Just another nail in the me moving home coffin. Speaking of which, I think I can here the coffin polishers finishing the finish on mine so to speak. This brings me onto the reason why I'm crying... I'm finding it difficult to come to terms with, and make Si see that we're pretty much over now. I've been telling him (since he said he was moving out - which he's trying to avoid even talking about now) that I'll probably end up moving home as I can't live here on my own purely for cost reasons. I've made the solid decision that, since I read a messenger convo where he fessed up to his mate that he's nogged (several times) some lasshe was after from work, I couldn't keep on living like this and that I wanted him to move out. But because of the debts we share I kept it quiet while there was a chance of him paying his half before he moved out... now there's not because he lied to me about defaulting on the past 3 months payments I (in a fit of righteousness) told him I knew what he'd done, which he denied and put down to bravado... Oh, and the reason he was holding her hand on the way home from work wasn't at all because he was trying to pull her - it was vecause she'd been threatened with rape not days before. Real smooth there dont'cha think!

And how bad do I feel that all this has come out now when it's his birthday on friday... pretty bad, it has to be said. It's not payback for him ruining my birthday last year, even though it hurt it's not about that. It's the aniversary of one of his close friends deaths soon too but we all lose people in our lives... My uncle (losely connected but it doesn't make me care any less) gave up on life in the early morning on Sunday and the funeral is this coming Monday and although I have the time off work I don't think I'll go, simply because I'm not in that strong place where O feel loke I can be around people who all need someone to be stromg for them... that just isn't me right now. Dave and Si have said maybe the time away would do me good but I don't think that sort of environment would help me now.

This Sunday my mum is visitng just to check up on me... "to see the whites of your eyes" she says and I tell her they'll either be pink or yellow but it doesn't put her off, and I have the pleasure of my presently pubessing brother (who has pungent B.O. at the mo - fun!) and my step dad who doesn't like minding his P's and Q's. I'm only joking, I'd like to see them even if it's to confirm that I don't need to see them again for a while ;)

One more night at work and then I have 5 days off... I should be jumping for joy but I think it may be very stressful. Brave faces all round eh?

I had a thought while I was in the bath tonight about a single tear and would it's presence be notices in something as large as a lake or even a sea? When a rain drop falls in a still pool, eventually the ripples fade into nothing. It's like a roar, even a lions roar could be drowned out by the sound of crashing waves. Does this world measure passing by the sorrow expressed in that time? Or do we only benchmark sad times in our lives to make the good ones seem all that much better?

Twunts R us

2006-03-19T00:45:00.000Z

It’s been a while… I know! A lot has happened since I last wrote in my blog, I’m sure all will become clear and if it doesn’t it’s Prozac time for me precious. I’m not even going to bore you with all the shit that keeps going on in my life suffice to say nothing has changed since I last moaned save that Dave is here to keep me sane and a few things have come to light which may or may not be the breaking of me.

Things really aren’t so good… my step-uncle has been diagnosed with terminal cancer of the stomach and liver, which isn’t the sort of thing I want to be dealing with at the moment but it’s not as hard for me as it is for Penny. At the moment he’s stuck over in Ireland where he’s been working for the past few months and they can’t get him the chemotherapy treatment that may save his life for 10 days because the paddy hospitals don’t keep it in stock apparently. My mum doesn’t think he’ll last the 10 days so I may well be needing time off work very soon even though I can’t afford it especially with Si being what he is and owing me a whole load of money. To top it all off Dave found out his dad isn’t too well either so he’s worried and I can’t say I blame him, especially being so far from home but I reckon it’ll be ok (touch wood).

Chris at work complained about me to Ian… nice to know who your friends are really. I honestly can say I really needed that in my life, I mean can someone just slit my wrists for me and save me the effort. Nice people eh? Twunt face.

Friday Night Fever - belated post

2006-02-23T02:13:00.000Z

It has to be said that the gig tonight was pretty damn good… with a few exceptions of course. There’s the first support band, who for the life of me I can’t remember the name of but they were tosh. Giant Drag the second support band were decent and it was commented on that the singer was shag worthy lol. The Cribs were great and their performance was far better than their performance at the Kaisers gig in Leeds last year and the night was only marred by a bout of deli belly in Baa bar before the gig and by several rude people at the gig who pushed past us, shoving us out of the way… and by 2 blokes one who looked like a cross between corner shop and eagle eye cherry, and the other who looked like a Neanderthal missing link and both of them were talking infront of us the whole way through except when I wanted to take a pic of them to put on here and say what a pair of CUNTS they both were. There were also a few severely inebriated people at the gig, one who looked like a roont child from Stephen kings dark tower and was being escorted through the crown by her concerned friend. A guy who was fully mosh-tastic, staring at his hands as he stumbled down the stairs and walked head long into the wall mounted fire hose LMFAO!

You know how it is when you start writing something and you have to stop... you lose your flow and forget all about your blog, shameful I know but hey. I’m sure I’ll update all this crap eventually… and if you believe that you’ll believe anything lol.

Crestfallen

2006-02-14T10:27:00.000Z

How stupid can people be? I’ve just been reading a blog by a guy called Rodger Smalls, which was recommended to me by Adz. It’s quite amusing to read and it seems to have started off a bit of a craze. He told me last night that he was shocked to find it was only a piss take and not a real guys blog at all but reading it now, for myself, I’m thinking How can you not see that right away? LOL. The Bloke with the alias Roger Smalls has been quite cunning I think, he’s done podcasts and marketed Tee shirts (one of which Adz has asked me to help him out with by “recreating” the Tee for him for cheaper) People are actually commenting on this fake blog as if it were real offering advice etc, it’s pretty amazing really. I’m tempted to make this Tee for Adz saying “I like using the internet to find prettygirls” rather than “Rodger Smalls is the daddy”. So 2 days ago Rodger launched his great money making scheme… his fake blog that has the nations held in rapture, telling the world of a dead child and a pair of friends who are desperate to get to the funeral so please donate as much as you can. I’m intrigued to see how much money people will part with or whether they all know it’s a hoax.

Moving on… more cleaning today. How dull! Cribs gig on Friday, it’s going to be excellent. Si’s meant to be helping me do the laundry this morning but he’s nipped into work again, so I’m writing in here until I wake up properly, which could take a while as I’m loaded with cold. Urgh! Belgian kiss anyone?

Madge seems to have changed the password to view her blog now so I can’t read what she’s getting up to in her new house not too far away from where Dave lives. The next time I’m down that way I’ll pop in and see her new pad.

Happy Valentines Day btw, it’s not exactly a special day but I knew it wouldn’t anyway. You come not to expect anything on days like these from a guy who pisses all his money up the wall when it’s your birthday and Christmas never mind Valentine’s Day. He could prove me wrong, but it doesn’t happen often.

Nod & Smile

2006-02-14T02:16:00.000Z

Maximo Park here we come! Tickets for this years tour went on presale this morning and I managed to get tickets with no bother, so October 1st I will be having a fab time chilling to one of my fav bands of all time :D Until then I’ve got The Cribs, Nine Black Alps and The Chase to keep me going on the gig front.

It’s my last close for 4 days tomorrow and I’m looking forward to the time off, even if it means I’ll get paid fuck all next week… never mind, you win some, you lose some and I think I’ve won lol. Dave arrives on Wednesday afternoon, seems like ages since I saw him last but I bet it’s not as long as I think it is. Wednesday I’m being trusted with interviewing some guy at work… it’s the price I’m paying for having the rest of the day off… Ian is like the fates, what he gives with one hand he takes away with the other so that’s why I’m doing his shift tomorrow night.

Today I’ve been scrubbing the flat, I didn’t realise it would get so dirty over the winter but it did… not good precious! I’ve still to have the curtains washed… don’t buy beige or cream ceiling to floor curtains, they’re not worth the hassle. I’m sure mine used to be beige but now they’re smoke encrusted… living with a smoker sucks ass lol.

I’m back wishing a certain someone would thrown himself under a tube train thus ridding me of his presence by hurling himself from the mortal coil. There’s no pleasing some fucking people except for me, I’d be pleased with one simple thing… I wonder if I could slip some aconite into his everclear - though the mind remains clear the intense sensation of ants in your pants would drive the twat nuts lol. I always used to threaten my flat mates at uni with death by raw kidney beans though I think he might get suspicious if I sent him some chilli through the post (don’t mind if the beans are a bit crunchy they’ll only poison your blood lol). Anyway, enough of this unhealthy rambling… it’s fever fuelled craziness. I’ll just go hide over in the corner with my lemsip and pretend I don’t have a mind for payback. It’s PMT ffs… have you never seen a woman go off on one? Of course you have, you either are one or you’re a bloke… just nod and smile, nod and smile, smiling and nodding, edge slowly towards the door, still nodding and smiling, slowly towards the door, don’t forget smile… that’s good. What are you smiling at?! Something funny? Ever feel like you can’t win? That’s because you can’t… get used to it ;)